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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that today most of the celebrities are famous for their glamorous look and wealth rather than their accomplishments. Most of the people think that this is not good for the young generation. I do agree with this but their are peoples been popular for their accomplishments. Firstly, It is fact that many famous people are famous for their luxurious lifestyle. Their acting are average or below average but they are making sensation to public by showoff and showing their wealth just to grab the eyeball. One of the example would be Alia bhatt who is famous by posting glamourous photos, even she don't have acting skills. This glamorous lifestyle can influence teenagers in a bad way. so some people believe that these superstars and famous people display negativity and can mislead young generation of the society. Secondly, there are some celebrities who can be a positive role model for young generation. Example, Cristiano Ronaldo is one of the famous football player in the world because of his determination, talent, and hard work. He is constantly training and working in order to build his stamina aiming to give his best on the field. Therefore, he is extremely inspirational for children and young generation as Cristiano Ronaldo shows that it is essential to fight for your dreams by being a hardworking and perseverant person. So some famous stars are role model for the young generation, who are truly known for their outstanding performance. In conclusion, young individuals can be negatively influenced by celebrities who only flaunt their riches and fancy lifestyle. However, in my opinion there are also some celebrities who can teach us valuable life lessons by their accomplishments in life and known for their outstanding performance.
It is true that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
for their glamorous look and wealth
rather
than their accomplishments. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the
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young
generation. I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Did you mean “there”?
their
are
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peoples
been popular for their accomplishments.

Firstly
, It is fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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famous
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people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
for their luxurious lifestyle. Their acting are average or below average
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are making sensation to public by showoff and showing their wealth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to grab the eyeball. One of the example would be
Possible spelling mistake found.
Alia
Possible spelling mistake found.
bhatt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
by posting
Possible spelling mistake found.
glamourous
photos, even she
The pronoun ‘she’ is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: “doesn’t”, “didn’t”.
don't
have acting
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skills
. This glamorous lifestyle can influence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
believe that these superstars and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
display negativity and can mislead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation of the society.

Secondly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
role model for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation. Example, Cristiano Ronaldo is one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
football player in the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his determination, talent, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work. He is
constantly
training and working in order to build his stamina aiming to give his best on the field.
Therefore
, he is
extremely
inspirational for children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation as Cristiano Ronaldo
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that it is essential to fight for your dreams by being a hardworking and perseverant person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
stars are role model for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
truly
known for their outstanding performance.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals can be
negatively
influenced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
flaunt their riches and fancy lifestyle.
However
, in my opinion there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can teach us valuable life lessons by their accomplishments in life and known for their outstanding performance.
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IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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