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Nowadays, because technology has dramatically progressed in order to tha

Nowadays, because technology has dramatically progressed in order to tha aQewX
Nowadays, because technology has dramatically progressed in order to that there is a person who is workaholic, overworking, they usually spend their time on work and rarely use their pastime for entertainment. Personally speaking, it could have both benefits and drawbacks. As mentioned that technology has improved, most of careers have related to computers and cellphones, so workers often use their individual devices for their tasks even on weekends and holidays. For instance, there has been a significant number of distant jobs which staff are able to do their work in home. Although, this form of work can considerably reduce costs of commuting, on contrary it takes more time even time of weekends and holidays. Therefore this trouble could be unpleasent for families that gradually lead to conflict then family breakdown. However, workaholics have a number of positive traits. Judging by a number of claims, most of workaholics are introverted sort of person who litrally keen on their occupations, then Not only they feel more commitment than others but also they are able to do their duties better. In addition, it has to be mentioned to be more concentration on work even when they bored. Therefore, the first priority for this kind of person is work not leisure activities. Having said that, this issue has both sides of coin. Generally speaking, it ought to be balance between works and other aspects of life such as family and passions. Yalda Zangiabadi ( Academic)
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
technology has
dramatically
progressed in order to that there is a person who is workaholic, overworking, they
usually
spend their time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their pastime for entertainment.
Personally
speaking, it could have both benefits and drawbacks.

As mentioned that technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
,
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the careers") or simply say "most careers".
most of careers
have related to computers and cellphones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their individual devices for their tasks even on weekends and holidays.
For instance
, there has been a significant number of distant jobs which staff are able to do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in home. Although, this form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can
considerably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
costs of commuting, on contrary it takes more time even time of weekends and holidays.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
this trouble could be
Possible spelling mistake found.
unpleasent
for families that
gradually
lead to conflict then family breakdown.

However
, workaholics have a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
traits. Judging by a number of claims,
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the workaholics") or simply say "most workaholics".
most of workaholics
are introverted
sort of person who
Possible spelling mistake found.
litrally
keen on their occupations, then Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they feel more commitment than others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they are able to do their duties better.
In addition
, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be mentioned
to be more concentration on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
even when they bored.
Therefore
, the
first
priority for this kind of person is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
not leisure activities.

Having said that, this issue has both sides of coin.
Generally
speaking, it ought to be balance between works and other aspects of life such as family and passions.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Yalda
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zangiabadi
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
Academic)

IELTS essay Nowadays, because technology has dramatically progressed in order to tha

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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