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It is impossible to help everyone in the world so , government should take care of their own country. Do you agree or disagree?

It is impossible to help everyone in the world so, government should take care of their own country. ob78D
It is generally assumed that assisting every individual in the globe is not possible. Therefore, ministry should concentrate on residents who live in their own nation. However I firmly concur with this notion due to better development and improvement in economic strength, which will be explicated in the ensuing paragraphs of this essay. To commence with, there are myriad advantages when government would focus on citizens of own country. The first and foremost is that nation can be developed in various manners as youth may get better education and vocational opportunities which can lead to the development of nation. Furthermore, residents may get better amenities such as health care and educational facilities. For instance, India has more youngsters in entire population as compared to an other nations and also poverty which is issue of concern since last decades. Therefore, government authority might develop condition of homey and can provide better opportunities for youth by taking some potential steps. Proceeding further, after getting better opportunities of education and occupation many individuals may get work. Consequently, economic strength of nation can be improved as compared to earlier time. In addition to this, employment plays crucial role in economic rate of any particular nation. To cite an illustration, America has better economic strength due to ample of vocational chances which is solely possible with the help of government of this country. To recapitulate, it can be acknowledged that ministry can improve condition of own nation if this would take afew steps for welfare of society and country by providing quality of education to youth and vocational opportunities to masses.
It is
generally
assumed that assisting every individual in the globe is not possible.
Therefore
, ministry should concentrate on residents who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I
firmly
concur with this notion due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
development and improvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
strength, which will
be explicated
in the ensuing paragraphs of this essay.

To commence with, there are myriad advantages when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would focus on citizens of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country. The
first
and foremost is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
can
be developed
in various manners as youth may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
education and vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
which can lead to the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Furthermore
, residents may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
amenities such as health care and educational facilities.
For instance
, India has more youngsters in entire population as compared to
This word is normally spelled as one.
an other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
and
also
poverty which is issue of concern since last decades.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authority might develop condition of homey and can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for youth by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential steps.

Proceeding
further
, after getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
of education and occupation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
work.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
strength of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
as compared to earlier time.
In addition
to this, employment plays crucial role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
rate of any particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. To cite an illustration, America has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
strength due to ample of vocational chances which is
solely
possible with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of this country.

To recapitulate, it can
be acknowledged
that ministry can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
condition of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
if this would take
Possible spelling mistake found.
afew
steps for welfare of society and country by providing quality of education to youth and vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to masses.
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IELTS essay It is impossible to help everyone in the world so, government should take care of their own country.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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