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Nowadays, all new town planning should include public parks, shopping malls and sports facilities. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Nowadays, all new town planning should include public parks, shopping malls and sports facilities. v. 2
Over the recent years, towns are capable to delegate all services such as public parks, shopping malls, and sports facilities. However, the world is renovated compared to the past. Hence, these all are the essential features should be there in a new building of town. To begin with, I completely agree with this consequence, owing to that the modern technology well developed more at contemporary. Firstly, making a team to plan all the factors to introduce a new town or city. Subsequently, all decisions and opinions should be equalized and finally take a good decision to achieve a notion. Then, divided the members in accordingly and make a unity of each other. Perhaps, these team members should have the qualities such as attitude, creativity and good knowledge. Secondly, one member should be lead to everyone in the group unless, all others splits to go as riots and making hassles among the public. However, the city became as the culprits house. Evidently, public parks are necessary to keep in town because the younger children meet their friends inside the park for study as well as the rejuvenation purposes. Moreover, in case of shopping malls plays a very important role into it. Most of the people their free time will spend at shopping malls for buying different kinds of things such as clothes, household materials, cosmetics, sandals and toys etc. Furthermore, in terms of sports facilities like gym or playground is extremely being a part of it. Thus, all the adults are very fascinated to attend the gym activities and exercise which are provided them owing to the build up and fosters the body as fit for everything. Hence, this is un trivial one. As an illustration, in our hometown the facilities are available that are shopping malls, jewellery shops, gym, band, dance, music learning and play ground as well. In conclusion, If we plan to create a new town, which must include shopping mall, parks, gym and sports facilities. However, if one is neglected from this, people cannot accept that this is a city because technology has tremendously changed contrastingly at past.
Over the recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
are capable to delegate all services such as public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
, and sports facilities.
However
, the world
is renovated
compared to the past.
Hence
, these all are the essential features should be there in a new building of town.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this consequence, owing to that the modern technology
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well developed
more at contemporary.
Firstly
, making a team to plan all the factors to introduce a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
or city.
Subsequently
, all decisions and opinions should
be equalized
and
finally
take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decision to achieve a notion. Then, divided the members in
accordingly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a unity of each other. Perhaps, these team members should have the qualities such as attitude, creativity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
knowledge.
Secondly
, one member should be lead to everyone in the group unless, all others splits to go as riots and making hassles among the public.
However
, the city became as the culprits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

Evidently
, public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
are necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the younger children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their friends inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
for study
as well
as the rejuvenation purposes.
Moreover
, in case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role into it. Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
their free time will spend at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
for buying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of things such as clothes, household materials, cosmetics, sandals and toys etc.
Furthermore
, in terms of sports facilities like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
or playground is
extremely
being a part of it.
Thus
, all the adults are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fascinated to attend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
activities and exercise which
are provided
them owing to the build up and fosters the body as fit for everything.
Hence
, this is
Possible spelling mistake found.
un
trivial one. As an illustration, in our hometown the facilities are available that are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
shops,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
, band, dance, music learning and play ground
as well
.

In conclusion
, If we plan to create a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
and sports facilities.
However
, if one
is neglected
from this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot accept that this is a city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
technology has
tremendously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
Possible spelling mistake found.
contrastingly
at past.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, all new town planning should include public parks, shopping malls and sports facilities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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