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Now a day people believe that advice of grandparents to their grand children are not useful at all because of generation gap. v.2

Now a day people believe that advice of grandparents to their grand children are not useful at all because of generation gap. v. 2
It is general fact that new generations people are avoid the grandparents’ advice. Some people believe that older people have huge experience about life and their suggestion is valuable for youngster. However, I believe that grandparents advices no longer substantial for grand children because of drastic change in world and people life style. First of all, every person adapts the modern world and they must have to up to date with latest technology, fashion, thinking and so on. It is essential because earn status, knowledge, increase the work efficiency, work with favorable field. My own experience compelling this idea, six years ago, when I made decision that I complete my graduation in pharmacy field, that time my grandfather said me that dentist field gives more opportunity for job with good salary. He believes dental field good because of in past many people make more money in dental field. Still, I choose my major in pharmacy which is my interested subject and I know about that pharmacy field give me huge chances to earning money. I firm with my notion because of knowledge about modern world. My grandfather not aware latest update so, he only thinks according to his knowledge. Accordingly, I believe that grandparent not up to date with technological world, so his decision is insignificant for me. Secondly, there are the tremendous difference between thought of new generation and thought of old generation people. In the past, people were narrow minded, restricted particular things for people and most for women than men. Today' s era, in contrast, people are broad minded and no longer accept ancestor rules. For instance, five years ago, when my cousin got married, she started job and her husband family in especially her grandmother in law force her to left her job. In her family people were firm with their opinion and their rules cannot give permission to female that they cannot work outside the home and getting high education. Some years after my sister gave divorce to her husband because of my sister has doctor degree and still their family member not support for her job. This example to I conclude that older people taught causes sometimes destroy younger people life, therefore, it is better that grandparent not give advice to grand children. In conclusion, huge gap between young and old generation people caused lots of difference in thought, fashion, life style and interest, therefore I strongly agree that old generation people guidance not essential for younger generation people.
It is general fact that new generations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are avoid the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents’
advice.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have huge experience about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and their suggestion is valuable for youngster.
However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
advices no longer substantial for grand children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of drastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, every person adapts the modern
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
up to date with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technology, fashion, thinking and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. It is essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
earn status, knowledge, increase the work efficiency, work with favorable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience compelling this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, six years ago, when I made decision that I complete my graduation in pharmacy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
, that time my grandfather
'Say' cannot be followed by a direct personal object. Did you mean "told"?
said
me that dentist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
more opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary. He
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believes
dental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of in past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money in dental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
.
Still
, I choose my major in pharmacy which is my interested subject and I know about that pharmacy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
me huge chances to earning money. I firm with my notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of knowledge about modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. My grandfather not aware latest update
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
according to his knowledge.
Accordingly
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparent
not up to date with technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
his decision is insignificant for me.

Secondly
, there are the tremendous difference between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of new generation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
narrow minded
, restricted particular things for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and most for women than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Today&
#039; s era,
in contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
broad minded
and no longer accept ancestor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
For instance
, five years ago, when my cousin
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
married, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and her husband family in
especially
her grandmother in law force her to
Did you mean "leave"?
left
her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. In her family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were firm with their opinion and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
permission to female that they cannot work outside the home and getting high education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
years after my sister gave divorce to her husband
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of my sister has doctor degree and
still
their family member not support for her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. This example to I conclude that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
taught causes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
therefore
, it is better that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparent
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
advice to grand children.

In conclusion
, huge gap between young and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
caused lots of difference in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, fashion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style and interest,
therefore
I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
guidance not essential for younger generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Now a day people believe that advice of grandparents to their grand children are not useful at all because of generation gap. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
415 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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