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Nowadays advertisement of toys and mostly fast food focus on children. Some that eventually it affects both offspring and their families. Do you agree or disagree .

Nowadays advertisement of toys and mostly fast food focus on children. Some that eventually it affects both offspring and their families. m3rqn
In this Modern era, Advertisement are ubiquitous and growing like a mushroom. Some opine that advertisements affects both children and their family. I, am personally, agree with this statement. In this essay I will discuss my views. Advertising industry are focusing on childrens by showing advertisement of toys and fast food which affects the children miserably as they are vulnerable and easily affected by these advertisements and put pressure on their parents to fulfill their demand. If parents are unable to meet their requirements they are motivated to do petty crimes like chain snatching and pit pocketing. Moreover, fast food and lots of toys are not advisable for childrens health and holistic development. Fast food in daily life of childrens lead to obesity and it's a root cause of many diseases. If child have more toys they will not virtue like share, playing in team. On the other hand, parents always want to fulfill all wishes of their children and to do the same they have to do more work which make them workaholic and they can't enjoy their personal life. More workaholic nature can invite many problems like tension, anxiety, high blood pressure etc. To put in a nutshell, from above arguements its proove that advertisements of toys and fast food affects both children and their family.
In this Modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisement
are ubiquitous and growing like a mushroom.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
affects both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their family. I, am
personally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. In this essay I will discuss my views.

Advertising industry are focusing on
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
by showing
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
miserably
as they are vulnerable and
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
and put pressure on their parents to fulfill their demand. If parents are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their requirements they
are motivated
to do petty crimes like chain snatching and pit pocketing.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are not advisable for
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
health and holistic development.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in daily life of
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
lead to obesity and it's a root cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases. If child have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
they
The word 'virtue' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
will not virtue
like share, playing in team.

On the other hand
, parents always want to fulfill all wishes of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and to do the same they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do more work which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
workaholic and
they can't enjoy their personal life. More workaholic nature can invite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems like tension, anxiety, high blood pressure etc.

To put in a nutshell, from above
Possible spelling mistake found.
arguements
its
Possible spelling mistake found.
proove
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
affects both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their family.
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IELTS essay Nowadays advertisement of toys and mostly fast food focus on children. Some that eventually it affects both offspring and their families.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
218 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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