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Nowadays a large amount of advertising aiming at children should be banned because of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Advertisements are focusing more on children, which are potential consumers to enhance enterprises’ revenue. It is a matter of great controversy as parents are against the purpose of advertising, while marketers believe that their contents contained valuable information. This essay will provide a precise discussion about both views. On the one hand, commercials have included valid information about their products. First, accurate information helps companies to approach their target clients so that consumers can easily decide on what to buy. The more useful the information is, the better the profit is. If the advertisements were identified as incorrect information, their companies would be faced with the hazard of significant financial fines and losing the brand reputation due to consumers’ protection law. Therefore, parents can put their faith in advertising and allow children to watch it, whereas companies continue to attract kids. On the other hand, parents ought to oppose it since the inevitable burden on children is even greater. Furthermore, businesses manipulated consumers’ choices to purchase their products through advertisements. Likewise, having watching numerous commercials, children tend to pester or nag parents to buy toys, snacks, and other goods causing bad behavior to children. Not having clear knowledge about advertisements, naive minors might be persuaded to buy invalid food, which can put their health at risk with many potential diseases such as obesity and diabetes. . . In conclusion, despite the informative content of advertising, the lifelong detrimental of putting such pressure on children is much more horrendous. I assume children should not watch too many advertisements in order to preclude the burden.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
are focusing more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which are potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
to enhance enterprises’ revenue. It is a matter of great controversy as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are against the purpose of advertising, while marketers believe that their contents contained valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. This essay will provide a precise discussion about both views.

On the one hand, commercials have included valid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about their products.
First
, accurate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to approach their target clients
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
can
easily
decide on what to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
. The more useful the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is, the better the profit is. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
were identified
as incorrect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
would
be faced
with the hazard of significant financial fines and losing the brand reputation due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers’
protection law.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can put their faith in advertising and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
it, whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
continue to attract kids.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
ought to oppose it since the inevitable burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is even greater.
Furthermore
, businesses manipulated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers’
choices to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their products through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
Likewise
, having watching numerous commercials,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to pester or nag
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
toys, snacks, and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
causing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behavior to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Not having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, naive minors might
be persuaded
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
invalid food, which can put their health at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
potential diseases such as obesity and diabetes.
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.


In conclusion
, despite the informative content of advertising, the lifelong detrimental of putting such pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is much more horrendous. I assume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
in order to preclude the burden.
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IELTS essay Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned because of the negative effects.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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