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Some peolle believe that teenegarse should be required to do unpaid community job for free. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some peolle believe that teenegarse should be required to do unpaid community job for free. OEMPk
There are arguments that youngsters should be obliged to work free for developing their community after school hours. In my opinion, I completely agree that although this might has some negative effects on the children, but it would be a very positive trend. On the one hand, academical hours are mostly so long that children loose most of their ernegy and become tired. Therefore, forcing them to do unpaid activities after school might be too hard for them and thay cannot build a balance between work and study and as a result it will affect their education. Besides, some of them may lose their concentration in the school by being so overwhelmed in the job. For instance, a study showed that teenagers whom are forced to work after school mostly have the worst grades among pupils, as they have no time to study at home. On the other hand, this theory can be suitable both for the teenages and the community. Firstly, children learn to be responsible about their community and as a result when they grow up they will be useful people for the country. Secondly, some of them can find their interest and make better decisions about their future career and field of study. And finally, they are young and full of energy and therefore the society can use this energy in order to improve the standards of life. To conclude, I beleive that despite the fact that this phenomena has some bad effects on childrens, it can be beneficial and help the youngsters in their future life.
There are arguments that youngsters should
be obliged
to work free for developing their community after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
hours. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that although this might has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend.

On the one hand, academical hours are
mostly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
long that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
loose most of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
ernegy
and become tired.
Therefore
, forcing them to do unpaid activities after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
might be too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them and
Possible spelling mistake found.
thay
cannot build a balance between work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and
as a result
it will affect their education.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them may lose their concentration in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
by being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
overwhelmed in the job.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
whom
are forced
to work after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
mostly
have the worst grades among pupils, as they have no time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at home.

On the other hand
, this theory can be suitable both for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
teenages
and the community.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn to be responsible about their community and
as a result
when they grow up they will be useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for the country.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them can find their interest and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better decisions about their future career and field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. And
finally
, they are young and full of energy and
therefore
the society can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this energy in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the standards of life.

To conclude
, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
beleive
that despite the fact that
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
, it can be beneficial and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the youngsters in their future life.
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IELTS essay Some peolle believe that teenegarse should be required to do unpaid community job for free.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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