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Now a days some people are giving preferences to do business within their family . Do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages.

Business is very rudiment thing for earnings. In today's era, number of individuals chooses to do business with in family. In my opinion, it has equal count of pros and cons. This essay will examine both the aspects with help of examples. On the one hand, doing business with in family has numerous merits such as profit mushrooms because a person has already ken regarding distinct strategies and tactics as they have already seen their guardians working from childhood. Moreover, level of dedication and contribution increases which leads to more profit. Afterthat, finances would be increased as there will be less employees needed. On the other hand, pressure on the forthcoming generation would be increased to do family business which will lead to numerous if consequences such as they abandon their own dreams, they might lost interest in work which will results in decrement of money. Thereafter, family may gone through various disputes. Let's take an example to understand this point: - the disputes arises in sons of Dhirubhai Ambani as his both the sons are eligible for the same post as a result of which they got separated. At last, it can be said that if a person is willing to do family business only then he should join it. Otherwise he might face so many issues.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Business
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rudiment thing for earnings. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era, number of individuals chooses to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
with in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. In my opinion, it has equal count of pros and cons. This essay will examine both the aspects with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of examples. On the one hand, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
with in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has numerous merits such as profit mushrooms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a person has already ken regarding distinct strategies and tactics as they have already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
their guardians working from childhood.
Moreover
, level of dedication and contribution increases which leads to more profit.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Afterthat
, finances would
be increased
as there will be
Did you mean “fewer”? The noun employees is countable.
less
employees needed.
On the other hand
, pressure on the forthcoming generation would
be increased
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
which will lead to numerous if consequences such as they abandon their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
dreams, they might
The modal verb ‘might’ requires the verb’s base form.
lost
interest in work which will results in decrement of money. Thereafter,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
may
Did you mean “be gone”?
gone
through various disputes.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's take an example to understand this point:
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
the disputes arises in sons of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dhirubhai
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ambani
as his both the sons are eligible for the same post
as a result
of which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
separated. At last, it can
be said
that if a person is willing to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
then he should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
it.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
he might face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues.
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IELTS essay Now a days some people are giving preferences to do business within their family. Do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
218 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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