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Many children in rural places cannot have good school and medical facilities.some people suggest that the teacher and doctor should be sent to rural places for several years. However, others believe that everyone has to the right to choose where to work. To what extend do you agree?

In this fast paced era, there are several undeveloped area which needs improvement for child's development. whereas, a lot of children lives in countryside, which is not provide better facilities for education and health-care. Hence, some individuals believe that teacher and doctor should be provided to the students in village for long time. while, others opine that every mankind has their own decision to work at any location. Before reaching to any conclusion, both arguments of the given notion will be elaborated further in the following paragraphs. Glancing on one side, in the village, educational as well as healthcare facility should be improve for children by sending a teacher and doctor in that place. Firstly, students get additional knowledge in their career-line. Also, they can use different equipments from medical and educational staff section. To illustrate, having a better school in village, students get awareness of practical skills for their career from an appropriate experts. As well As, they can use some expensive treatments for their health by the support of intelligent doctors. Secondly, by sending the professional experts in rural areas, every student gains more knowledge in different subjects. Moreover, they learnt several languages by their expert tutor. As well as, student get benefit to use any proper treatment for their health issues by a perfect doctor. On the flip side, some individuals suggest that every mankind has their own choice where they want to work in their life. Primarily, whenever any organisation takes the decision for teacher and doctor, it affects their lifestyle. Because, they are not prepared in their mind. Hence, they can not deal with circumstances of their new work place. To recapitulate, medical and educational facilities in village affect the most on child's development. Thus, from my perspective, to achieve better study life and heath care services, the staff of teacher and doctor should be sent to agricultural area for many years. Therefore, the children in undeveloped area can get several additional facilities for their career.
In this
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
fast paced
era, there are several undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
which needs improvement for child's development.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
whereas
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in countryside, which is not provide better facilities for education and health-care.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
should
be provided
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
for long time.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
while
, others opine that every mankind has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decision to work at any location.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
reaching to any conclusion, both arguments of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
notion will
be elaborated
further
in the following paragraphs.

Glancing on one side, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
, educational
as well
as healthcare facility should be
Consider using the past participle “improved”.
improve
for children by sending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
in that place.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
additional knowledge in their career-line.
Also
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
equipments from medical and educational staff section. To illustrate, having a better school in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
awareness of practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for their career from
The plural noun “experts” cannot be used with the article “an”. Did you mean “an appropriate expert” or “appropriate experts”?
an appropriate experts
.
As well
As, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
expensive treatments for their health by the support of intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
.
Secondly
, by sending the professional experts in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
gains more knowledge in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
subjects.
Moreover
, they
Possible spelling mistake. ‘learnt’ is British English.
learnt
several languages by their expert tutor.
As well
as,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefit to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
any proper treatment for their health issues by a perfect doctor.

On the flip side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals suggest that every mankind has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice where they want to work in their life.
Primarily
, whenever any
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organisation’ is British English.
organisation
takes the decision for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
, it affects their lifestyle.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, they are not prepared in their mind.
Hence
, they can not deal with circumstances of their new work place.

To recapitulate, medical and educational facilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
affect the most on child's development.
Thus
, from my perspective, to achieve better study life and heath care services, the staff of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years.
Therefore
, the children in undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
several additional facilities for their career.
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IELTS essay Many children in rural places cannot have good school and medical facilities. some people suggest that the teacher and doctor should be sent to rural places for several years. However, others believe that everyone has to the right to choose where to work.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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