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It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

Many young individuals are currently opening their own business instead of working for other employers. This tendency certainly has both benefits and drawbacks, which will be discussed in this essay. To begin with, there are some advantages which could encourage young people to run their own business. Firstly, business owners can learn many useful things that can never be provided if they work for an employer. They will not only enhance their business-related skills such as marketing or sales, but they can also broaden their management abilities. For example, the manager of a company has to care about all the details like the financial status or his workers’ productivity. Secondly, people who start a business can freely make their own decisions without having to ask anyone for permission. This allows business owners to be more independent and decisive. Finally, because these individuals earn money for themselves, they are likely to have more incentive to work and generate values for the society. However, a few disadvantages should be carefully considered by young people if they want to start a business. When running a company, people might face some obstacles such as where to get the capital or how to attract customers. If they cannot come up with solutions for these difficulties, their business might die after a short period. Also, company owners must handle great responsibilities, so they could suffer from a lot of stress. Furthermore, if people work for an employer, they can learn from the better and more experienced individuals. When working for themselves, they barely get advice from anyone and might end up with failures. In conclusion, I personally believe that the benefits of opening business outweigh its drawbacks, and young individuals should be encouraged to do so.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
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individuals
are
currently
opening their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
instead
of working for other employers. This tendency
certainly
has both benefits and drawbacks, which will
be discussed
in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages which could encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to run their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
owners can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful things that can never
be provided
if they work for an employer. They will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhance their business-related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as marketing or sales,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
also
broaden their management abilities.
For example
, the manager of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
care about all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
like the financial status or his workers’ productivity.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
can
freely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions without having to ask anyone for permission. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
owners to be more independent and decisive.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
earn money for themselves, they are likely to have more incentive to work and generate values for the society.

However
, a few disadvantages should be
carefully
considered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
if they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. When running a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obstacles such as where to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the capital or how to attract customers. If they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with solutions for these difficulties, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
after a short period.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
owners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
handle great responsibilities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they could suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work for an employer, they can learn from the better and more experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. When working for themselves, they
barely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
advice from anyone and might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with failures.

In conclusion
, I
personally
believe that the benefits of opening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
outweigh its drawbacks, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should
be encouraged
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
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IELTS essay It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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