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now a days schools too much focus on traditional subjects which not enough to new world

now a days schools too much focus on traditional subjects which not enough to new world 25QLx
Undoubtedly, schools play a crucial role in learner’s life to improve the student’s essential skills. Some people assert, nowadays schools are excessive focusing on conventional subjects which do not enough to pupils for practical demand of the sophisticated world’s innovative work. According to my view, schools should more concentrate on modern subjects in which include computer and science practical experiments but also not overlook the customary subjects. To commence with, there are few merits of traditional subjects in the schools. First and foremost is traditional subject provides the more information about manners skills and social practice which is necessary apart of pupils. Also, students can maintain their discipline in their town or cities and school but also they can learn the mistakes which were done by human beings in the past decades. For instance, if schools little bit focuses on the customary subjects, pupils would be able to secure their future without any social errors. Moreover, schools should introduce the conventional subject because these subjects only provide oral values instead of written tests. Apart from this, tutors will be able to give the lecture to students in the class. On the flip side, nowadays employers are being hired by the organization based on practical experience of new technologies. Besides, schools should more focus on computer subjects and provide knowledge regarding innovative technology which will be beneficial for students to search for their job. As a result, students will increase the rate of GDP growth of the nation but also earn better income as well as respect in their future. To Sum up, Schools should allocate the subjects to students which will be beneficial for pupils to search for a job but also not ignore the conventional subjects because the student can get manners and become a good citizen with these subjects.
Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
play a crucial role in learner’s life to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are excessive focusing on conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
for practical demand of the sophisticated world’s innovative work. According to my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should more concentrate on modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in which include computer and science practical experiments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
not overlook the customary subjects.

To commence with, there are few merits of traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
First
and foremost is traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
provides the more information about manners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and social practice which is necessary
Possible typo. Did you mean "a part of" or "apart from"?
apart of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can maintain their discipline in their town or cities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can learn the mistakes which
were done
by human beings in the past decades.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
focuses on the customary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
would be able to secure their future without any social errors.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should introduce the conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide oral values
instead
of written
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
. Apart from this, tutors will be able to give the lecture to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

On the flip side, nowadays employers are
being hired
by the organization based on practical experience of new technologies.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should more focus on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and provide knowledge regarding innovative technology which will be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to search for their job.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will increase the rate of GDP growth of the nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
earn better income
as well
as respect in their future.

To Sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
should allocate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
which will be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
to search for a job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
manners and become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
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IELTS essay now a days schools too much focus on traditional subjects which not enough to new world

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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