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New technology have changed the way spend their free time time it's advancetage snd disadvantag.children

New technology have changed the way spend their free time time it's advancetage snd disadvantag. children 0aB51
In this contemporary world, due to advancement in the realm children have adapt the way on the spend time on the technology. I believe that it disadvantage are overlapping advantage. To begin with, there are Primarly demrit is spend on the internet. When children Waste their time to playing games on computer and also mobile. Firstly, those habit lead to social loof and also less communication with each other. For instance, if children spend time on the internet and also sitting one side they may have suffer symptoms vision. Moreover, spending much of their spare time on mobile they don't indulge into outdoor activities it is directly effect on the body. On the other hand, I support the view of those who believe that benefits are more technology. The most one is that now children have opportunity to get vast knowledge on the internet. Another consideration is that internet not provide countless use ful material. As a result they can improve information and also develop new skills. In conclusion, taking everything into consideration it can be conclude that I argue that the advantage of this trend are more crucial than disadvantage.
In this contemporary world, due to advancement in the realm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
Use past participle here: "adapted".
adapt
the way on the spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the technology. I believe that
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'it'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
it disadvantage
are overlapping advantage. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
Possible spelling mistake found.
Primarly
Possible spelling mistake found.
demrit
is
Consider using a past participle here: "spent".
spend
on the internet. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to playing games on computer and
also
mobile.
Firstly
,
Did you mean "this habit" or "those habits"?
those habit
lead to social
Possible spelling mistake found.
loof
and
also
less communication with each other.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the internet and
also
sitting one side they may have
Use past participle here: "suffered".
suffer
symptoms vision.
Moreover
, spending much of their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on mobile they don't indulge into outdoor activities it is
directly
effect on the body.
On the other hand
, I support the view of those who believe that benefits are more technology. The most one is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
vast knowledge on the internet. Another consideration is that internet not provide countless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Possible spelling mistake found.
ful
material.
As a result
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
information and
also
develop new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
In conclusion
, taking everything into consideration it can be
Consider using the past participle "concluded"?
conclude
that I argue that the advantage of this trend are more crucial than disadvantage.
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IELTS essay New technology have changed the way spend their free time time it's advancetage snd disadvantag. children

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
191 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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