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New technologies have changed children life. Advantages/disadvantages???

New technologies have changed children life. Advantages/disadvantages? ? ? r8G9p
It is true that the introduction of new technologies effect to people life. Especially children have altered their daily activities and usual habits in modern age. There are some benefits and drawbacks of this change, but I strongly believe that new technologies are profitable for children's bright future. In the positive effect, children always use technologies such as phone, laptop and others. These equipments are very crucial as air for children. First one is that a lot of young people use these technologies for their study or basic activity. Because pupils can download materials, books easily by technology. Moreover children do not go to library for reading or taking some books. Instead of it, they use Internet for doing this work. So many people regard that new technologies save time. Secondly, technology has created many opportunities for children education. For instance, ill pupil can take part in lessons at present day. Because in many countries the role of online education is utmost. In addition nowadays Covid-19 coronavirus is spreading rapidly among the people. So all schools, universities, colleges were closed by government in a lot of countries. But lessons did not stop at schools. All education centers (facilities) use online education system. For example, I regularly opt for online lessons. All things are possible with technology, so it is very benefial for children to spending efficiently their free time. Nevertheless, new technologies alsa have more significant adverse effects. The first one is that sedentary lifestyle namely (preciesly) a lot of children spend too much time using the computer, mobile phone or TV. They neglect outdoor activities, consequently it cause to many health problems such as obesity and damaged eye-sight. Secondly, new technologies disturb them from their study. Some pupils are becoming crazy about technology. As a result, they lose memory, furthermore they face to problems, challenges at their study. To conclude, it seems to me that benefits of modern technologies are dominant from negative sides of it. It depends on people how to use technology.
It is true that the introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
effect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life.
Especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have altered their daily activities and usual habits in modern age. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits and drawbacks of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are profitable for children's bright future.

In the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
such as phone, laptop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. These equipments are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial as air for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
First
one is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
for their study or basic activity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
pupils can download materials, books
easily
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not go to library for reading or taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
books.
Instead
of it, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Internet for doing this work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regard that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
save time.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For instance
, ill pupil can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in lessons at present day.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries the role of online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is utmost. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
nowadays Covid-19 coronavirus is spreading
rapidly
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
all schools, universities, colleges
were closed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
lessons did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
at schools. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
centers (facilities)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system.
For example
, I
regularly
opt for online lessons. All things are possible with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefial
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spending
efficiently
their free time.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
Possible spelling mistake found.
alsa
have more significant adverse effects. The
first
one is that sedentary lifestyle
namely
(
Possible spelling mistake found.
preciesly
)
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend too much time using the computer, mobile phone or TV. They neglect outdoor activities,
consequently
it
Did you mean "causes"?
cause
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health problems such as obesity and damaged eye-sight.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
disturb them from their study.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
pupils are becoming crazy about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
As a result
, they lose memory,
furthermore
they face to problems, challenges at their study.

To conclude
, it seems to me that benefits of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are dominant from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides of it. It depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
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IELTS essay New technologies have changed children life. Advantages/disadvantages? ? ?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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