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New parents should attend parenting courses to bring up their children well.

New parents should attend parenting courses to bring up their children well. 3YdeJ
Some people think that new parents have to engage with bringing-up courses to make their children well educated. I highly recommend new parents to participate in courses, because providing children with great education is the first step to make them more intelligent then their peers. The first reason why parents should take classes to bring up a child is that it enables them to improve their knowledge as to raising a son or a daughter. I other words, a parent with a certificate of a parent-training course can understand children better than those without it, since he or she is thoroughly taught children psychology and medical knowledge. Japan would be a good example for this as every parent is obliged to attend training programme before he or she starts a family, so that they can look after a child consciously and intelligently. Another significant factor which triggers parents to participate in training courses is that they will be able to make new friends with whom they can exchange ideas and experience. It is inevitable that it is child’s open-mindedness and admirable behaviour that decide how well he or she was brought up. These qualities can only be shaped in a child’s personality should his or her parents posses and pass on to children. Sharing expertise and spending a huge amount of time with people who own various perspectives pave the way for parents to acquire such skills. In conclusion, there are those who would argue that, parenting courses are extravagancy. I firmly believe that there is nothing pivotal for a child than being educated by well-trained parents as it, education, is a matter of life and death.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
engage with bringing-up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their children

This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
. I
highly
recommend new
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parents
to participate in
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courses
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
providing children

with great education is the
first
step to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more intelligent
Did you mean "than"?
then
their peers.

The
first
reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take classes to bring up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is that it enables them to

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge as to raising a son or a daughter. I other words, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
with a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
certificate


of a parent-training
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course
can understand children better than those without it, since he or she is

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
thoroughly
taught children psychology and medical knowledge. Japan would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
for


this as every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
is obliged
to attend training
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
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before
he or she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
a family,
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so
that

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
can look after a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
consciously
and
intelligently
.

Another significant factor which triggers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to participate in training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
is that they will be

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends with whom they can exchange
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and experience. It is inevitable that it
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
is


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
child
’s open-mindedness and admirable
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
that decide how well he or she
was brought
up.

These qualities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be shaped
in a
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child’s
personality should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
posses and pass

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
to children. Sharing expertise and spending a huge amount of time with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
various


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
perspectives
pave the way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to acquire such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
, there are those who would argue that, parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
extravagancy
. I
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
firmly


believe that there is nothing pivotal for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
than
being educated
by well-trained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as it,

education, is a matter of life and death.
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IELTS essay New parents should attend parenting courses to bring up their children well.

Essay
  American English
15 paragraphs
277 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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