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New houses are often designed to have open private spaces like a balcony or garden. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in this approach?

New houses are often designed to have open private spaces like a balcony or garden. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in this approach? 7aPQX
Many people, while constructing the new houses, prefer to have individual non-closed sites, such as balcony and garden. Despite that this occurrence might cause dangers and has several cons, it allows people to improve health, which is very beneficial. Therefore, I think in this case there are more pros. Open spaces has many drawbacks, and sometimes it might be even dangerous. Balcony might make problems in some cases. For instance, if it remains opened, there is possibility of being robbed. Because, nowadays, cities are full of thieves, who will not miss such opportunity. Additionally, balcony is dangerous for families with very young children, because, as they are still unconscious, they may just fall from there. According to gardens, problem is that they always need care, and it is difficult to grow vegetations qualitatively. Moreover, they can be easily damaged by sunlight or insects, so they require every time control, and regular watering. So, these are the main downsides. Although, there are many conveniences. The main profit, is that these places significantly contribute to health welfare. Because, working in the garden demands huge effort, which can be useful body exercise. Furthermore, vegetables and fruits, made by yourself, are full of nutrients, because they do not contain additives. For example, my grandparents, who live in a countryside, own a garden, and they consume only groceries, which are made in there. Consequently, now, they are strong and healthy as we are. Also, private garden with enormous green area, make people breathe with fresh air, while the balcony is the place, where people can provide time, enjoying the view. These are the major advantages. To conclude, many new house projects include open areas. This has more pros that cons, as it is better to strengthen health than being reluctant to obtain responsibility.
Many
people
, while constructing the new
houses
, prefer to have individual non-closed sites, such as
balcony
and
garden
. Despite that this occurrence might cause
dangers
and has several cons, it
allows
people
to
improve
health, which is
very
beneficial.
Therefore
, I
think
in this case
there are more pros.

Open spaces has
many
drawbacks, and
sometimes
it might be even
dangerous
.
Balcony
might
make
problems in
some
cases.
For instance
, if it remains opened, there is possibility of
being robbed
.
Because
, nowadays, cities are full of thieves, who will not miss such opportunity.
Additionally
,
balcony
is
dangerous
for families with
very
young children,
because
, as they are
still
unconscious, they may
just
fall from there. According to
gardens
, problem is that they always need care, and it is difficult to grow
vegetations
qualitatively
.
Moreover
, they can be
easily
damaged by sunlight or insects,
so
they require every time control, and regular watering.
So
, these are the main downsides.

Although
, there are
many
conveniences. The main profit, is that these places
significantly
contribute to health welfare.
Because
, working in the
garden
demands huge effort, which can be useful body exercise.
Furthermore
, vegetables and fruits, made by yourself, are full of nutrients,
because
they do not contain additives.
For example
, my grandparents, who
live
in a countryside,
own
a
garden
, and they consume
only
groceries, which
are made
in there.
Consequently
,
now
, they are strong and healthy as we are.
Also
, private
garden
with enormous green area,
make
people
breathe with fresh air, while the
balcony
is the place, where
people
can provide time, enjoying the view. These are the major advantages.

To conclude
,
many
new
house
projects include open areas. This has more pros that cons, as it is better to strengthen health than being reluctant to obtain responsibility.
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IELTS essay New houses are often designed to have open private spaces like a balcony or garden. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in this approach?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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