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Negative impact of Social media sites such as Facebook in our social and individual life

Negative impact of Social media sites such as Facebook in our social and individual life Lbb7n
A large number of people are concern about the detrimental effect of Social media site, for instance Facebook, in our social and personal life. I am truly agree with this claim. This is my attempt to give some relevant reasons of my agreement. Firstly, nowadays internet is cheap and available everywhere. People of all ages, all classes are just too much addicted to these magical social media sites. As they are passing a lot of time in social mediasites they are strongly influenced by these sites. The management of these sites are too much alluring to young to aged. They have no care about their friends and family. This young generation has no social skill. They don't know how to communicate with people in their real life. They have forgotten about their academic life that they have lack of knowledge and sense. These sites are designed with a master hand to pursuade the user’s to stuck with it. A professional who has a very limited time he or she also invest their precious personal time by involved these sites. As a result their parents and children are deprived from love and care. Divorce rates are increasing day by day. People are suffering physical and mental illness as they haven’t any physical activities. The social community are also facing hard time that there have no active people to raise their voice Against any kind of social conflic. Comparatively aged group of people are feeling helpless and lonely. On the other hand youngsters are facing eye and backbone problem from their early age. They are also disappointed about their life. These sites are like cancer for this modern world. To conclude, It is obvious that these sites have some positive impact but they can't outweigh the negative effect anyway
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concern about the detrimental effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
,
for instance
Facebook, in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I am
truly
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with this claim. This is my attempt to give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relevant reasons of my agreement.

Firstly
, nowadays internet is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and available everywhere.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
of all ages, all classes are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
too much addicted to these magical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
they are passing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Possible spelling mistake found.
mediasites
they are
strongly
influenced by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
. The management of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are too much alluring
Did you mean "too young to"?
to young to
aged. They have no care about their friends and family. This young generation has no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. They don't know how to communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They have forgotten about their academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that they have lack of knowledge and sense. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are designed
with a master hand to
Possible spelling mistake found.
pursuade
the user’s to stuck with it.

A professional who has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
he or she
also
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "invests", "invested".
invest
their precious personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by involved these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
As a result
their parents and children are
The usual collocation for "deprived" is "of" not "". Did you mean "deprived of"?
deprived from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care. Divorce rates are increasing day by day.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are suffering physical and mental illness as they haven’t any physical activities. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
community are
also
facing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that there have no active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to raise their voice Against any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Possible spelling mistake found.
conflic
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Comparatively
aged group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are feeling helpless and lonely.
On the other hand
youngsters are facing eye and backbone problem from their early age. They are
also
disappointed about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are like cancer for this modern world.

To conclude
, It is obvious that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can't outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect anyway
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IELTS essay Negative impact of Social media sites such as Facebook in our social and individual life

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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