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n some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

An established tradition across number of countries, isfrequently to encourage youngpeople to do the best in their lives, so that they can attain what they wanted to be. And it has been passed on to them as a set of values by their parents on which their lives are based. Firstly, that advice has number of benefits for young people. For instance, it could be their standard of how to set up their future goals in their lives, given the fact that life is actually full of challenges, then by giving their maximum efforts as they could as possible, then they would learn to how to overcome any obstacles in their lives. Moreover, knowing that adolescents are more susceptible to what the ongoing trend is, then having such rules in life would definitely shape them as a principled people since their childhood. Consequently, they would fight for what their particular dream is, whatever the challenges they ought to deal with. On the contrary, there are a number of drawbacks that cannot simply be ignored. Giving such advices to young children would transform children's perspective of lives becoming more like machines. For example, if parents exaggeratedly keep telling those things to their children, they would have lost their opportunity to enjoy their childhood. In addition, the worse case is that if they failed to fulfil what they have pursued in their lives, it is possible, they would experience stressful lives and a depression. To conclude, giving advices to work as hard as possible to our kids has more benefits as long as we show them the reality in life as well.
An established tradition across number of countries,
isfrequently
to encourage
youngpeople
to do the best in their
lives
,
so
that they can attain what they wanted to be. And it has
been passed
on to them as a set of values by their parents on which their
lives
are based
.

Firstly
, that advice has number of benefits for young
people
.
For instance
, it could be their standard of how to set up their future goals in their
lives
,
given
the fact that life is actually full of challenges, then by giving their maximum efforts as they could as possible, then they would learn to how to overcome any obstacles in their
lives
.
Moreover
, knowing that adolescents are more susceptible to what the ongoing trend is, then having such
rules
in life would definitely shape them as a principled
people
since their childhood.
Consequently
, they would fight for what their particular dream is, whatever the challenges they ought to deal with.

On the contrary
, there are a number of drawbacks that cannot
simply
be
ignored
. Giving such advices to young children would transform children's perspective of
lives
becoming more like machines.
For example
, if parents
exaggeratedly
keep
telling those things to their children, they would have lost their opportunity to enjoy their childhood.
In addition
, the worse case is that if they failed to fulfil what they have pursued in their
lives
, it is possible, they would experience stressful
lives
and a depression.

To conclude
, giving advices to work as
hard
as possible to our kids has more benefits as long as we
show
them the reality in life
as well
.
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IELTS essay n some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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