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my studies in uk and abroad

my studies in uk and abroad 2RMmj
During my studies at the undergraduate level, I took keen interest in courses such as sustainable energy, control, sensors and actuators, electronics, and courses related to business and management. During the course, I got opportunity in a group project on ‘speed detection radar using microwave radar’ which helped me introduce to the importance of teamwork. In my final year, I chose the project on “Sound Source direction indication system” which gave me valuable lesson on project management and research. During my vacations, I did part-time work in different service-oriented jobs for a few months which gave me valuable insight into these different fields and helped me improve my communication skills while my stay in the UK. After completing my bachelors, I wanted to take a break/sometime off my studies but unexpectedly the break became long as I was looking after the construction of our home in the village and then in the city while my family was living abroad in UAE. This was further delayed by uncertainty due to covid-19 situation. I believe this gap proved very valuable to me as it helped me communicate and deal with different people and improve my communication and social skills which I was extremely weak in. During this time, I worked as a consultant at Rawal Properties and Builders but doing masters was always on my plan so I kept going over my university courses from time to time. I also got the opportunity to work as an Electrical Installation Engineer at MAC Builders where I was responsible for installation, maintenance and reaping of solar and smart home automation systems. The experience helped me develop team leading skills, time management, decision making skills, and punctuality besides knowledge of the filed I have chosen to study Master’s Program in the United Kingdom in light of the fact that although the quality of education offered by academic institutions in Pakistan has improved noticeably over the years but it relies heavily on theoretical knowledge specially in the field of engineering rather than practical knowledge and laboratory work that is provided in UK universities which have Impeccable research and academic infrastructure and the availability of exceptionally valuable internship opportunities. I believe doing a postgraduate degree from UK will not only increase my in-depth knowledge and understanding of the field but it will also make my qualification recognized by organizations like Washington Accord and PEC (Pakistan Engineering Council) and give me a competitive edge in the industry. I would get a chance to interact with students from diverse cultural backgrounds, drawn from all over the world.
During my studies at the undergraduate level, I took keen interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
such as sustainable energy, control, sensors and actuators, electronics, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
related to business and management. During the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
opportunity in a group project on ‘speed detection radar using microwave radar’ which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me introduce to the importance of teamwork. In my final year, I chose the project on “Sound Source direction indication system” which gave me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valuable
lesson on project management and research. During my vacations, I did part-time work in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
service-oriented jobs for a few months which gave me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valuable
insight into these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
while my stay in the UK.

After completing my bachelors, I wanted to take a break/sometime off my studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unexpectedly
the break became long as I was looking after the construction of our home in the village and then in the city while my family was living abroad
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the UAE".
in UAE
. This was
further
delayed by uncertainty due to
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
situation. I believe this gap proved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valuable
to me as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me communicate and deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my communication and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which I was
extremely
weak in. During this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, I worked as a consultant at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rawal
Properties and Builders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
doing masters was always on my plan
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
going over my university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the opportunity to work as an Electrical Installation Engineer at MAC Builders where I was responsible for installation, maintenance and reaping of solar and smart home automation systems. The experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me develop team leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, and punctuality
besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
filed


I have chosen to study Master’s Program in the United Kingdom in light of the fact that although the quality of education offered by academic institutions in Pakistan has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
noticeably
over the years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it relies
heavily
on theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
specially
in the field of engineering
rather
than practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and laboratory work that
is provided
in UK universities which have Impeccable research and academic infrastructure and the availability of
exceptionally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
valuable
internship opportunities. I believe doing a postgraduate degree from UK will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increase my in-depth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and understanding of the field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
my qualification recognized by organizations like Washington Accord and PEC (Pakistan Engineering Council) and give me a competitive edge in the industry.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to interact with students from diverse cultural backgrounds, drawn from all over the world.
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IELTS essay my studies in uk and abroad

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
428 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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