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Language dying out, and globalization

Language dying out, and globalization 5aRGA
Language is one of the most important pillars of a country. It helps in the recognition of each person's or culture's identity. With globalization, many languages are getting extinct. Many people opine that this will make life easier, there are many advantages, and disadvantages behind this scene. Language resembles the culture of a country, erasing a certain language will lead to the removal of its culture, thus new generations, won't have the ability to speak their original language, and will be only remembered by history. The removal of a certain language leads to the isolation, and removal of certain people who still hold on their original language. Fewer languages has many advantages on the business level, by this many people will have the same language, thus international recruitments will be easier, less requirements will be needed. Tourism to different parts of the world will be enhanced, due to the usage of the same language, thus tourists won't be concerned about speaking, and ordering a translator in every activity they want to do. Moreover education will be enhanced, a certain and common curriculum will be used in many countries, which will play an important role on enhancing education. Losing a language has many advantages, and disadvantages on many levels. I strongly aver that globalization has many positive outcomes, however losing a language is much important than any of these gained outcomes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Language
is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
pillars of a country. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the recognition of each person's or culture's identity. With globalization,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are getting extinct.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life easier, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages, and disadvantages behind this scene.

Language resembles the culture of a country, erasing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
will lead to the removal of its culture,
thus
new generations, won't have the ability to speak their original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, and will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
remembered by history. The removal of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
leads to the isolation, and removal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
still
hold on their original language.

Fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages on the business level, by this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will have the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
thus
international recruitments will be easier,
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun requirements is countable.
less
requirements will
be needed
. Tourism to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world will
be enhanced
, due to the usage of the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
thus
tourists won't
be concerned
about speaking, and ordering a translator in every activity they want to do.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
education will
be enhanced
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
and common curriculum will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, which will play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role on enhancing education.

Losing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages, and disadvantages on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
levels. I
strongly
aver that globalization has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes,
however
losing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is much
Use "(important)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
important
than any of these gained outcomes.

IELTS essay Language dying out, and globalization

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
230 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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