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My hero - my motivator. what do you think about bringing a motivator’s life into your life?

My hero - my motivator. what do you think about bringing a motivator’s life into your life? B7wlX
Everyone will be their own hero and motivation in this life. The person moves his motoracy and attempts to implement the sides of the work and in the path of life. Motivation is a factor of human life a great effect on the future of man. I also motivate myself from life's way of life and improve my future program. Let's try to prove my thoughts in examples. Firstly, I observed a number of positions in the life path of Steve Jobs and I have sentenced me to apply for life. Steve Jobs shock the world in IT in the field of great programs with the inventorof the great program. The way he had began, he was looking for money, not the money. Secondly, Steve Jobs didn't break when he failed, but tried not to repeat his mistekas. As they see the idea to see one, then I want to try myself in the field of conclusion and establish my own company for computer maintenance. It takes a lot of money right. I want to serve my father and sponsor. We will see this in the next period.
Everyone will be their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
hero and motivation in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
his
Possible spelling mistake found.
motoracy
and attempts to implement the sides of the work and in the path of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Motivation is a factor of human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
a great effect on the future of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. I
also
motivate myself from life's way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my future program.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's try to prove my thoughts in examples.
Firstly
, I observed a number of positions in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
path of Steve Jobs and I have sentenced me to apply for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Steve Jobs shock the world in IT in the field of great programs with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
inventorof
the great program. The way he had
Use past participle here: "begun".
began
, he was looking for money, not the money.
Secondly
, Steve Jobs didn't break when he failed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
tried not to repeat his
Possible spelling mistake found.
mistekas
. As they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
one, then I want to try myself in the field of conclusion and establish my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for computer maintenance. It takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money right. I want to serve my father and sponsor. We will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this in the
next
period.
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IELTS essay My hero - my motivator. what do you think about bringing a motivator’s life into your life?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
188 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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