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my dream job in the future

my dream job in the future Xlp98
Ever since I was a child, I have always wanted to become a kindergarten teacher. Why do I love this occupation? Because I love children and teaching. Moreover, I find teaching very interesting. I can be creative with lessons. For example, I can create new games that interest children or I can find new teaching methods. This job includes: teaching social skills, basic vocabulary, personal hygiene, art, reading, music, … For me, this job i will learn how to love and take care of children, especially i can practice patience. A saying that brought me to this profession is “ The training of children is a profession, where we must know how to waste time in order to save it” – Jean-Jacques Rousseau
Ever since I was a child, I have always wanted to become a kindergarten teacher. Why do I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
this occupation?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
.
Moreover
, I find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting. I can be creative with lessons.
For example
, I can create new games that interest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or I can find new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
methods. This job includes:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, basic vocabulary, personal hygiene, art, reading, music, … For me, this job
Did you mean "I"?
i
will learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and take care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
especially
Did you mean "I"?
i
can practice patience. A saying that brought me to this profession is
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
The training of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a profession, where we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know how to waste time in order to save it”
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
Jean-Jacques
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
Rousseau

IELTS essay my dream job in the future

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
122 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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