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Music life in both platforms weither it is national or traditional . Discuss your view

Music life in both platforms weither it is national or traditional. Discuss your view GL5Dj
It is true that in today's life there are plenty of music and versatile artists in music industry. Music has become a part of our day to day life weither it is traditional folk music or any international pop music, which is heard everywhere nowadays. In my opinion both of these music have their own language, taste, pros and cons in equal measures. I personally believe that the traditional music has higher number of listeners in compared to international music. People feel more connected to the sound and vibe of music as it is easy to get understand. Moreover, it represents it's own cultural and authenticity of regionals. Many music composers are turning towards the original folk music which afterwards becomes more popular and well known amongst the every age group person. For example, India shows varities of music and languages. Every type portrays their rituals, purity and forms of music they have made. Whereas, international music has higher number of viewers in worldwide. Over every platforms in web, international music has reach it's peak. For example, international concerts and shows become well -liked and trendy on social media life styles mainly American pop and rap music. To sum up, traditional music in many ways needed because it is an internal part of human expression that we can not really change from our lives. Although there are various evolutionary music we used to listen everywhere nowadays that is worldwide famous.
It is true that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's life there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and versatile artists in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
industry.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
has become a part of our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life
Possible spelling mistake found.
weither
it is traditional folk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, which
is heard
everywhere nowadays. In my opinion both of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
language, taste, pros and cons in equal measures.

I
personally
believe that the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has higher number of listeners in compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
feel more connected to the sound and vibe of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
understand.
Moreover
, it represents
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cultural and authenticity of regionals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
composers are turning towards the original folk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which afterwards becomes more popular and well known amongst the every age group person.
For example
, India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
Possible spelling mistake found.
varities
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and languages. Every type portrays
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular and thus take a singular pronoun: "his", "her", "his or her", "its"
their
rituals, purity and forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
they have made.

“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has higher number of viewers in worldwide. Over every platforms in web,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has
Possible agreement error – use past participle here: "reached".
reach
it's peak.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
concerts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
become well -liked and trendy on social media life styles
mainly
American pop and rap music.

To sum up, traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways needed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is an internal part of human expression that we can not
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
from our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
there are various evolutionary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to listen everywhere nowadays
that is
worldwide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.
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IELTS essay Music life in both platforms weither it is national or traditional. Discuss your view

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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