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Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.5

Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. v. 5
In a modern society, several changes have taken place in various fields. One of which is the popularity of music caused by the incredible development of high-quality music player instruments. Some people are of the opinion that music has only positive effects for us. By contrast, other people assert that there can be negative aspects to society. In my opinion, the former assertion proves to be more reliable. To begin with, it is undoubtedly true that music is one of the most popular forms of entertainments of a million people in every part of the world. When one feels sad or tired after working all day, music is the things that calm his/her down, refresh and clear their mind. In addition, scientists believe that music also brings a positive influence on human's intellectual. Hence, melody has positive sites for society like relieve exhaustion as well as enhance peoples' mental opportunities. On the other hand, some people insist that music can deteriorate their health. Particularly, people can hurt their ears seriously if they keep listening to music with earphones in loud for a long time. Evidence for this issue is found in research, which shows 80% of related problems are due to over usage of earphones for hearing music. Therefore, music can also have a negative impact on individuals’ health. From my personal point of view, music can play the role of medicine with its healing effect. This is already introduced at hospitals and rehabilitation centers and some universities. For instance, in the USA have a special master program for “Music Therapy” in order to practice the usage of music as a medicine. Thus, music has more benefits to society and culture. In conclusion, although music has a negative aspect as discussed above, I opine that merits outweigh the demerits.
In a modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have taken place in various fields. One of which is the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
caused by the incredible development of high-quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
player instruments.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects for us. By contrast, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assert that there can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. In my opinion, the former assertion proves to be more reliable.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
undoubtedly
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is one of the most popular forms of entertainments of a million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in every part of the world. When one feels sad or tired after working all day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the things that calm his/her down, refresh and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
their mind.
In addition
, scientists believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
also
brings a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on human's intellectual.
Hence
, melody has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sites for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
like relieve exhaustion
as well
as enhance peoples' mental opportunities.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
insist that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can deteriorate their health.
Particularly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can hurt their ears
seriously
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
with earphones in loud for a long time. Evidence for this issue
is found
in research, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
80% of related problems are due to over usage of earphones for hearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
also
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on individuals’ health.

From my personal point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can play the role of medicine with its healing effect. This is already introduced at hospitals and rehabilitation centers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
universities.
For instance
, in the USA have a special master program for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“Music
Therapy” in order to practice the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as a medicine.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has more benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and culture.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect as discussed above, I opine that merits outweigh the demerits.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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