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Music is beneficial for people or not discuss both views and opinions

Music is beneficial for people or not discuss both views and opinions 6d6dG
Some people think that music plays an important role in the society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both sides of argument and give Ur opinion People are polarised into groups regarding the notion whether music has an imperative place in the community or it is only for enjoyment purpose. In upcoming paragraphs, I will elaborate both the views along with my perspective and relevant examples. Commencing with the former notion, music works as a meditation for many people. In other words, as stress level is too high in individuals since 21 St century is commenced whether it is related to job, future or study and by listening music they can overcome their issues as many music somehow connected with real life happenings of each and every individual and every person can listen music as per his mood either sad or happy music in order to lessen his stress. To epitome " Psychiatry Department of Taiwan" in 2017, revealed that 27% of population who suffered from depression successfully overcame their problem with the help of music. Consequently, music can be work as a form of stress reliever. Shifting towards the later statement, there are many reasons that why music considered as only for entertainment. The predominant one is people listen music usually when they feel bored or some special occasion. To justify it, evidently, music listened by individuals especially in parties, marriages and when people feel Alone or they travel somewhere to focus mind and even for dancing just to add taste. For instance, In India especially there is hardly people can see marriage which can be without music, people enjoy weddings and many parties with music. Thus, it is a great source of entertainment. To encapsulate, I would like to pen down by saying, although it is a good source for enjoyment purpose, yet I believe that music abating many mental health problems, which makes music important part in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the society. Others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
simply
a form of entertainment. Discuss both sides of argument and give
Make sure that 'Ur' refers to the ancient city in Iraq. Did you mean "You’re"?
Ur
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
opinion


This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'polarised' is British English.
polarised
into groups regarding the notion whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has an imperative place in the community or it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for enjoyment purpose. In upcoming

paragraphs, I will elaborate both the views along with my perspective and relevant examples.

Commencing with the former notion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
works as a meditation for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In other words
, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level is too high in individuals since 21 St century
is commenced
whether it
is related
to job, future or study and by listening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
they can overcome their issues as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
somehow connected with real life happenings of each and every individual and every person can listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as per his mood either sad or happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in order to lessen his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. To epitome
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
Psychiatry Department of Taiwan
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
in 2017, revealed that 27% of population who suffered from depression
successfully
overcame their problem with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can be work as a form of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
reliever.

Shifting towards the later statement, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons that why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
considered as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for entertainment. The predominant one is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
usually
when they feel bored or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special occasion. To justify it,
evidently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
listened by individuals
especially
in parties, marriages and when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Alone or
they travel somewhere to focus mind and even for dancing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
taste.
For instance
, In India
especially
there is hardly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
marriage which can be without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy weddings and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parties with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Thus
, it is a great source of entertainment.

To encapsulate, I would like to pen down by saying, although it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source for enjoyment purpose,
yet
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
abating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mental health problems, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in the society.
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IELTS essay Music is beneficial for people or not discuss both views and opinions

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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