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Music Bringing People Together

Music Bringing People Together GJONw
Music is considered as a medicine to heal the world. The importance of connecting humans of various culture, age, taste, cast, creed, sex and so on with music which was always debatable has now become more controversial with many people claiming that it is beneficial while others reject this notion. I completely agree that the connection can be made possible with music. In this essay, I will further elaborate my views for favouring the positive impact of this trend and thus will lead to a logical conclusion. Music can be produced by various ways like from instruments, from the song we sing etcetera. Majority of the human race, nearly everyone enjoys music and that is the key reason which made the bringing in possible. Analyzing the statement and explaining further, the first and foremost reason behind is that no one hates music, the soothing and calming nature of the sounds overwhelms persons irrespective of their cultures and ages. To elaborate, grouping different people os way easy for the music because the acceptability of the same is high. One clear example is the relation between protest and music happening around the globe. The intimacy and thickening of the mob from different nations and all can be increased with the help of music. Probing ahead, one of the main underlying reason stems from the fact is that popular musicians have fans and worshippers all over the world. This love for the popular music and music makers will also aid in the connection of crowds from different parts of the universe. To cite an instance, the legendary indie singer and composer Bob Marley have a large number of followers liking his music, this helps to bring the people as one. Similarly, Beethoven, John Keats, A. R Rahman and the like influence the mind of us and definitely group the humans. To recapitulate, according to the arguments aforementioned above, one can reach to a conclusion that the benefits of music for bringing in multinationals together is indeed too great to ignore. In the light of above mentioned factor, I firmly agree with this opinion. Thus, it is hoped that in the future, let the music bring more and more people close.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is considered
as a medicine to heal the world. The importance of connecting humans of various culture, age, taste, cast, creed, sex and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which was always debatable has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become more controversial with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claiming that it is beneficial while others reject this notion. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the connection can
be made
possible with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. In this essay, I will
further
elaborate my views for
Possible spelling mistake. 'favouring' is British English.
favouring
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact of this trend and
thus
will lead to a logical conclusion.

Music can
be produced
by various ways like from instruments, from the song we sing etcetera. Majority of the human race,
nearly
everyone enjoys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
that is
the key reason which made the bringing in possible. Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
, the
first
and foremost reason behind is that no one hates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, the soothing and calming nature of the sounds overwhelms persons irrespective of their cultures and ages. To elaborate, grouping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
os
way easy for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the acceptability of the same is high. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example is the relation between protest and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
happening around the globe. The intimacy and thickening of the mob from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations and all can
be increased
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of music.

Probing ahead, one of the main underlying reason stems from the fact is that popular musicians have fans and
Possible spelling mistake. 'worshippers' is British English.
worshippers
all over the world. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for the popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
makers will
also
aid in the connection of crowds from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the universe. To cite an instance, the legendary indie singer and composer Bob Marley have
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
followers liking his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to bring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as one.
Similarly
, Beethoven, John Keats, A. R Rahman and the like influence the mind of us and definitely group the humans.

To recapitulate, according to the arguments aforementioned above, one can reach to a conclusion that the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
for bringing in multinationals together is
indeed
too great to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
. In the light of above mentioned factor, I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.
Thus
, it
is hoped
that in the future,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
bring more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
close.
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IELTS essay Music Bringing People Together

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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