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Museums are no longer important because all the information is avaliable on internet too what extend do you agree or diagree

Museums are no longer important because all the information is avaliable on internet too what extend do you agree or diagree ElPgx
Nowadays, the internet is used by many people to find detailed information about history and culture. It is claimed by some that museums are no longer important due to this fact. I personally totally disagree with this. I will throw light on my personal concepts and logical reasons in following paragraphs. to begin with no one can denied the fact that museums are essential to feel and touch the historical artifacts on the other side internet can only provide the picture or a video of the them, which is not satisfied to learn something properly. For instance to measure and explore the sword made in 19 century it is important to visit museum to measure that in person rather than on internet. moreover the information on internet may not be true, owning the fact that there are many companies out there write wrong information to earn profit, apart from this information about the history in museum is approved by the government and history experts. In addition to that museums also contribute to preserve the history. The fee that is charged by the museums as a visitor tickets, also can be used to cover the cost of the preservation of historical pieces. Further more museums are also a source of entertainment but in a learning way parents and children can make their museum visits and learn along with outings for fun. To conclude is has been discussed in the upper paragraphs. I am totally disagree with the statement that museums are no longer important. According to me can not provide the amount and quality of information that museums can provide.
Nowadays, the internet is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to find detailed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and culture. It
is claimed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are no longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
due to this fact. I
personally
totally
disagree with this. I will throw light on my personal concepts and logical reasons in following paragraphs.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with no one can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "deny"
denied
the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are essential to feel and touch the historical artifacts on the other side internet can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide the picture or a video of
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "them"?
the them
, which is not satisfied to learn something
properly
.
For instance
to measure and explore the sword made in
Did you mean "19th century"?
19 century
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
to measure that in person
rather
than on internet.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
moreover
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on internet may not be true, owning the fact that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
out there write
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to earn profit, apart from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is approved
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
experts.
In addition
to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
also
contribute to preserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. The fee that
is charged
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
as a visitor tickets,
also
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to cover the cost of the preservation of historical pieces.
Further
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are
also
a source of entertainment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in a learning way parents and children can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
visits and learn along with outings for fun.
To conclude
is has
been discussed
in the upper paragraphs. I am
totally
Consider using a past participle here: "disagreed".
disagree
with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are no longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
can not provide the amount and quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can provide.
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IELTS essay Museums are no longer important because all the information is avaliable on internet too what extend do you agree or diagree

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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