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Computer games are enemies of education

Computer games are enemies of education GN7Gg
By the end of the twentieth century most communications were by satellite; people use computer for almost every thing and the internet give people information around the world. Computers nowadays use in every things like in business, companies, schools, hospitals, houses and also in produce games. Computer games are very familiar in the world every body from children to adults, played with it, but there are some advantages and disadvantages. I want to begin with several of disadvantages of computer games. For example, the report is showing that computer games cause aberrations in childhood behavior, increase violent behavior and cause anti-social behavior that make children keep away from others. Anther disadvantage is that many children be fond of computer games that include sport, fantasy and human violence that avoid them from education, but on the other hand, fewer of them keen on games mixed up with education. Other point is that computer games are halting the process of brain development and the children do things they should not. However some children have hurt their thumbs, as they play the computer games for hour pushing the button. Moreover some children and teenagers are setting in front of the computer game that cause for them visual impairment and can suffer of agony from bad posture. The last disadvantage is that computer games keep away children and young people from reading that make them weak in this skill. There also some little bit of advantages. For instance, young children and adolescents are becoming particularly computer learned. Another point is that, in the future children will be using the computers all their lives safety and avoid problems. Another advantage is that computer games can be part of the school education because the teachers and the parents thought their children’s mathematics and spelling skills improved. However it encourages the part of the brain to action for linking with vision and movement. Moreover it makes the teenagers help each other and improve their social skills. It urges boys and girls to make competition between them if they play games that make them excited. In conclusion, computer games have two side the good side and bad side. It depends on the person which side to choose and how to use it in safety way. Finally, in my opinion computer games is recent technology of educate children who does not like studying and to attract them to anew way of learning.
By the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the twentieth century most communications were by satellite;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer for almost every thing and the internet give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
information around the world. Computers nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in every things like in business,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, schools, hospitals,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and
also
in produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
familiar in the world every body from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to adults, played with it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages and disadvantages.

I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with several of disadvantages of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For example
, the report is showing that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
cause aberrations in childhood behavior, increase violent behavior and cause anti-social behavior that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
away from others. Anther disadvantage is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
be fond of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that include sport, fantasy and human violence that avoid them from education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, fewer of them keen on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
mixed up with education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
point is that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are halting the process of brain development and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do things they should not.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have hurt their thumbs, as they play the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for hour pushing the button.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are setting in front of the computer game that cause for them visual impairment and can
The usual preposition for this expression is "from" or "with." Did you mean "suffer from" or "suffer with"?
suffer of
agony from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
posture. The last disadvantage is that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
away
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from reading that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them weak in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

There
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
of advantages.
For instance
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and adolescents are becoming
particularly
computer learned. Another point is that, in the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be using the computers all their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
safety and avoid problems. Another advantage is that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be part of the school education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the teachers and the parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
mathematics and spelling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it encourages the part of the brain to action for linking with vision and movement.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. It urges boys and girls to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
competition between them if they play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them excited.

In conclusion
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
The expression 'two side' seems incorrect in this context.
two side
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
side and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
side. It depends on the person which side to choose and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it in safety way.
Finally
, in my opinion computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is recent technology of educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who does not like studying and to attract them to anew way of learning.
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IELTS essay Computer games are enemies of education

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
403 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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