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Museums and art galleries should show artworks of the local culture, rather than those from other countries. Do you agree or disagree?

Museums and art galleries should show artworks of the local culture, rather than those from other countries. 0M1G9
Today, many types of traditional arts and crafts are struggling on the brink of extinction. So, some people believe that more local artworks should be showed on museum and galleries. In my opinion, while introducing overseas arts can bring many benefits to the local, our own works are more significant. Artworks from other countries can capture local people's imagination. This is primary due to the fact that these artworks can broaden their minds and encourage them to integrate some features of these into their own designs, so that they can combine overseas and domestic arts to create brand-new one. Besides, the majority of people do not have chance to appreciate other countries' artwares overseas, and they only can look them on the website or television. If these arts can be exhibited on local museums and art galleries, this can satisfied their curiosity of exploring foreign civilization and chasing arts. However, those who believe native arts should be displayed on the public argued that this can create economic benefits because of drawing more visitors at home and abroad. This means that local landmark buildings can give character to cities, which make these cities become popular destinations. Beyond that, the art industry will thrive because many local artists have more opportunities to display their works which have potential commercial value. Meanwhile, persuading the local to show domestic works is a an effective measure to boost social sense of belonging of individuals, as they can comprehend own history and unique arts thoroughly. Without the social identity of our own artworks, the cultural conflict will emerge. In conclusion, without suggesting think that all overseas works are necessarily good, I think it is by no means "pointless" because this can broaden people's horizon. In any way, to try to keep traditional culture and arts alive with external one under the globalization, we should not ignore domestic art, because it is a soul of a country's civilization
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Today
,
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many
types of traditional
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arts
and crafts are struggling on the brink of extinction.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
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some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
artworks should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
on museum and galleries. In my opinion, while introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
, our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
works are more significant.

Artworks from other countries can capture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's imagination. This is primary due to the fact that these artworks can broaden their minds and encourage them to integrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
features of these into their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
designs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can combine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
and domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
to create brand-new one.
Besides
, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have chance to appreciate other countries'
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artwares
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overseas
, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can look them on the website or television. If these
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arts
can
be exhibited
on
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local
museums and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries, this can satisfied their curiosity of exploring foreign civilization and chasing arts.

However
, those who believe native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should
be displayed
on the public argued that this can create economic benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of drawing more visitors at home and abroad. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
landmark buildings can give character to cities, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these cities become popular destinations. Beyond that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
industry will thrive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
artists have more opportunities to display their works which have potential commercial value. Meanwhile, persuading the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
domestic works is
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a an
effective measure to boost social sense of belonging of individuals, as they can comprehend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
history and unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
thoroughly
. Without the social identity of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
artworks, the cultural conflict will emerge.

In conclusion
, without suggesting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
works are
necessarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is by no means
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
pointless
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this can broaden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's horizon. In any way, to try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
traditional culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
alive with external one under the globalization, we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a soul of a country's
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
civilization
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IELTS essay Museums and art galleries should show artworks of the local culture, rather than those from other countries.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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