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mprovements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas.

mprovements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. MgEp
The whole world has divided two parts, developing nation and developed nation. We observe there are countries who are suffering in different crises like poor health system, shortage of food, low literacy rate and poor living standard. It is often argued by some that it is the obligation of the richest countries to assist these third world countries to improve there overall system of education, health and food crises. Although some might disagree with this notion. I completely agree. Not only because of the educational sector is suffering and poor health care but because of the scarcity of food available for the population. This essay will explore why it is the need of the time address these problems on the international level. There are multiple problems that the third world is facing right now. Firstly, numerous population is facing shortage of food. As due to the immensely growing population, it is becoming a challenge for the developing countries to fulfill the needs of food. This fact can be better explained with the help of an example, poor countries are mainly dependent on their agriculture sector. They export most of the products to rich countries for the sake of money. But unfortunately that money never used for the betterment of general public. This is how scarcity of food developed and the population have to suffer. Thus, if the rich countries help the poor countries how to manage their resources in right direction, it would be a great help for the developing countries. Secondly, Education is the main concern of developing nations. As education and trade are somehow interrelated. Poor nations have no proper education system. It is duty towards the rich countries to aid the poor countries to improve their education system by providing them special trained workforce who point out the areas to work on. For instance, recently a report published by Perth, Sydney, which revealed that with the aid of richest countries heads, in some areas of Africa education system is improving. Hence, It is necessary for the developed nations to help the poor nations. To sum up, I strongly believe that governments should unite and take more responsibility for providing help to poor countries. Otherwise, the gap between poor and rich countries will continue to grow exponentially.
The whole world has divided two parts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. We observe there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who are suffering in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
crises like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, low literacy rate and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
living standard. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that it is the obligation of the richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to assist these third world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
there
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
crises.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might disagree with this notion. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the educational sector is suffering and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
health care
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the scarcity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
available for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. This essay will explore why it is the need of the time address these problems on the international level.

There are multiple problems that the third world is facing right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Firstly
, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is facing shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. As due to the
immensely
growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
, it is becoming a challenge for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to fulfill the needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. This fact can be better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of an example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
mainly
dependent on their agriculture sector. They export most of the products to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for the sake of money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
unfortunately that money never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the betterment of
Consider using "public".
general public
. This is how scarcity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
developed and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer.
Thus
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
how to manage their resources in right direction, it would be a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
countries.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is the main concern of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and trade are somehow interrelated.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
have no proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
. It is duty towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to aid the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
by providing them special trained workforce who point out the areas to work on.
For instance
, recently a report published by Perth, Sydney, which revealed that with the aid of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the richest".
richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
heads, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas of Africa
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is improving.
Hence
, It is necessary for the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
nations.

To sum up, I
strongly
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should unite and take more responsibility for providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Otherwise
, the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will continue to grow
exponentially
.
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IELTS essay mprovements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
379 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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