Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

"Movies and Television strongly infleunce the way people behave" use reasons and specific examples to support your answer v.2

"Movies and Television strongly infleunce the way people behave" use reasons and specific examples to support your answer v. 2
Movies and television have become a part of the daily schedule. The exposure to them has increased multiple times and thus the influence it has on people has also increased. Like a coin has two sides, the influence due to these mediums can also be categorised into some good and bad points. Some channels and movies that are telecast are intellectually of a good standard, which have a positive impact on people’s minds. Especially the young minds, since they are yet to ripen and can mould in a particular manner. For example, some movies about inspiring legends that have occurred in history, their biographies and stories help in learning a lot about how great minds worked, with good take away lessons. Movies and television can also change and affect a person’s point of view about a certain topic or an individual. The news broadcast gives insights about the political scenario and thus proves to be a decision maker in voting and electing the next leader. The news shown can be tweaked and made incorrect; therefore the decisions made can be wrong. Hence, a negative influence is possible. Kids these days are constantly glued to the television set, with their parents usually not around to monitor what they are watching. Sometimes due to the lack of supervision, kids end up watching stuff which is not suitable for their age. This can lead to serious trauma and affect their growth. The violence and crime rate is increasing on a daily basis, which can tend to mould their brains either in favour of it or can cause permanent damage. None the less, under proper supervision, kids can learn and develop new ideas through movies and tv shows about space, animals and great leaders which can be motivational and educational. It could prove to be an alternative method of education instead of only studying through books, since visual aids are far more engaging and interesting. The rate of absorption of information is escalated when it is made fun. With the birth of many creative minds and globalisation, there is a confluence of ideas which are breaking the standardised ways of thinking. To conclude, Movies and television shows of various parts of the world are available at the finger tips, creating a vast network of ideas. The effect of those can be positive as well as negative, it is how the person perceives it and uses it to his/her benefit.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
have become a part of the daily schedule. The exposure to them has increased multiple times and
thus
the influence it has on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
also
increased. Like a coin has two sides, the influence due to these mediums can
also
be
Possible spelling mistake. 'categorised' is British English.
categorised
into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
points.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
channels and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
that are telecast are
intellectually
of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
standard, which have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
.
Especially
the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
, since they are
yet
to ripen and can
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
in a particular manner.

For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
about inspiring legends that have occurred in history, their biographies and stories
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in learning a lot about how great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
worked, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
take away lessons.

Movies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and affect a person’s point of view about a certain topic or an individual. The news broadcast gives insights about the political scenario and
thus
proves to be a decision maker in voting and electing the
next
leader.

The news shown can
be tweaked
and made incorrect;
therefore
the decisions made can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Hence
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence is possible.

Kids these days are
constantly
glued to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
set, with their parents
usually
not around to monitor what they are watching.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
due to the lack of supervision, kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up watching stuff which is not suitable for their age. This can lead to serious trauma and affect their growth.

The violence and crime rate is increasing on a daily basis, which can tend to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
their brains either in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of it or can cause permanent damage.

This word is normally spelled as one.
None the less
, under proper supervision, kids can learn and develop new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
about space, animals and great leaders which can be motivational and educational.

It could prove to be an alternative method of education
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
studying through books, since visual aids are far more engaging and interesting. The rate of absorption of information
is escalated
when it
is made
fun.

With the birth of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
, there is a confluence of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
which are breaking the
Possible spelling mistake. 'standardised' is British English.
standardised
ways of thinking.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
of various parts of the world are available at the finger tips, creating a vast network of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. The effect of those can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
, it is how the person perceives it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
it to his/her benefit.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay "Movies and Television strongly infleunce the way people behave" use reasons and specific examples to support your answer v. 2

Essay
  American English
11 paragraphs
405 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts