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"Movies and Television strongly infleunce the way people behave" use reasons and specific examples to support your answer v.1

"Movies and Television strongly infleunce the way people behave" use reasons and specific examples to support your answer v. 1
It is quite obvious that offences are exponentially increasing day by day and it is the alarming issue of the society. I personally believe that unemployment and illiteracy are the major reasons behind it. This essay will delve deeper into causes and various protective measures to minimise the crimes. To begin with, the first and foremost reason is lack of job opportunities to the people in the market. When the person is unable to fulfil the financial requirements of his family and meet basic survival needs than he commit a crime like robbery to earn more money within less time. Secondly, due to unawareness about the repercussions of the offence and the laws against it, results in allowing the people to commit as individuals think that they have freedom to do whatever they want to. Thus, to stop this trend the government has to take strict actions against criminals so that they think twice before doing any sort of crime in the locality. For example, capital punishment against serious crimes, particularly rape, murder; is one of the best action to warn others. Apart from this, proper rehabilitation should be provided to the offenders and they must be treated well in the society so that they lead their normal life after imprisonment and never commit crimes again. To conclude, although crimes are increasing due to unemployment and unawareness, however, the government and the society should join hands against crimes and with strictness and politeness, they must take measures to mitigate the crime rate.
It is quite obvious that
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
are
exponentially
increasing day by day and it is the alarming issue of the society. I
personally
believe that unemployment and illiteracy are the major reasons behind it. This essay will delve deeper into causes and various protective measures to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the crimes.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
first
and foremost reason is lack of job opportunities to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the market. When the person is unable to fulfil the financial requirements of his family and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
basic survival
Use "(needs)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
needs
than he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "commits", "committed".
commit
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
like robbery to earn more money within less time.
Secondly
, due to unawareness about the repercussions of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
and the laws against it, results in allowing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to commit as individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they have freedom to do whatever they want to.

Thus
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this trend the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take strict actions against criminals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
doing any sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the locality.
For example
, capital punishment against serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
,
particularly
rape, murder; is one of the best action to warn others. Apart from this, proper rehabilitation should
be provided
to the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
offenders and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be treated
well in the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they lead their normal life after imprisonment and never commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
again.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are increasing due to unemployment and unawareness,
however
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the society should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
hands against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and with strictness and politeness, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take measures to mitigate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay "Movies and Television strongly infleunce the way people behave" use reasons and specific examples to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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