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Most societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. To what extent do you agree? v.7

Most societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. v. 7
There is no doubt that homelessness is increasing in today’s society. Some people believe that the best way to tackle this problem is to give them cash. In the essay, I will discuss both sides and explain why I do not agree with this statement. Some people think that if homeless people were given finance this would help them because it would solve their short-term problems. If large sums were given to a homeless person they could then rent an apartment and buy food. For example, there are many homeless people living on the streets and in winter when the temperature drops, they will then have the wherewithall to rent an apartment or bed and breakfast. If homeless people were not given money they would freeze outside in the winter. On the other hand, I disagree because I think it is better to solve their long-term problem rather than their short-term problems. Instead of giving them financial aid, I think it is better if the government provides them with jobs, For instance, if they have jobs, they will make a wage on a weekly or monthly basis rather than getting a large amount in one go which they may not know how to handle. With this salary they can afford shelter and food on a long term basis instead of only one season. In conclusion, although providing homeless people with money would only help them immediately to get accommodation, whereas giving them employment would help them in the long run. This is the reason why I support the latter view.
There is no doubt that homelessness is increasing in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the best way to tackle this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is to give them cash. In the essay, I will discuss both sides and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
finance this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it would solve their short-term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. If large sums were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
person they could then rent an apartment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
food.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living on the streets and in winter when the temperature drops, they will then have the
Possible spelling mistake found.
wherewithall
to rent an apartment or bed and breakfast.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
money they would freeze outside in the winter.

On the other hand
, I disagree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is better to solve their long-term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
rather
than their short-term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Instead
of giving them financial aid, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is better if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
provides them with jobs,
For instance
, if they have jobs, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a wage on a weekly or monthly basis
rather
than getting a large amount in one go which they may not know how to handle. With this salary they can afford shelter and food on a long term basis
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one season.

In conclusion
, although providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with money would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them immediately to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
accommodation, whereas giving them employment would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the long run. This is the reason why I support the latter view.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Most societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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