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Most people have forgotten the meaning of Religious festivals. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Most people have forgotten the meaning of Religious festivals. with this opinion? 0EpGB
Traditional and religious festivals are different in each and every country. Based on regional beliefs, people choose to participate in these events. Generally speaking religious and traditional beliefs have been widely changed. Most of people are living their lives without believing in any kind of religion. Modern life styles and technology has led people to become less traditional. Hence fewer people are religious nowadays. In my country most religious festivals, includes the martyrdoms. Some of them are related to funeral of islamic leaders and others are celebrating their birthdays. Personally I agree with forgetting religious and traditional meaning of these events. These beliefs are our ancestors and we should not be holding them for ever. We can let go off our old beliefs and opinions. Being grateful of our lives and celebrating the moment is the best belief we can pass to next generation.
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Traditional
and
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religious
festivals are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in each and every country. Based on regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beliefs
,
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people
choose to participate in these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Generally
speaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beliefs
have been
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. Most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
without believing in any kind of religion. Modern life styles and technology has led
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
fewer
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people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
nowadays. In my country most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
festivals, includes the
Possible spelling mistake found.
martyrdoms
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them
are related
to funeral of
Possible spelling mistake found.
islamic
leaders
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and others
are celebrating their birthdays.
Personally
I
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agree
with forgetting
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religious
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
meaning of these
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events
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beliefs
are our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ancestors and
we should not be holding them for ever. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
go off our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beliefs
and opinions. Being grateful of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and celebrating the moment is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
belief
we can pass to
next
generation.
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IELTS essay Most people have forgotten the meaning of Religious festivals. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
144 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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