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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most people can solve important problems in their lives by themselves or with the help of their families; help from the government is often unnecessary.

Most people can solve important problems in their lives by themselves or with the help of their families; help from the government is often unnecessary. 7Qly
It is rare that people do not have any difficulties in life. Some people incline to solve important problems by themselves or with the help of their families; thus, they consider the government help is often unnecessary. However, from my point of view, I disagree with the point. To begin with, government’ help is more powerful and potent. Not only do government have more financial base but also it can provide a complex and improved system ranging form the caring the old to the charity about children. But in contrast, a person’ power is minimal comparing with that of government because he or she could not hand out helping money up to ten thousands yearly or provide shelter from people suffering from some disaster like earthquakes or snow storm and so on. For example, when people are born within a mountain area where people can not afford the fees to receive primary education let alone the high degree education. So that where the government’ help comes in to deal with the problem about the lack of access to get education. The government will enact some policy to grantee that those deprived children from 6-15 could receive education without charging anything. However, a person could not deal with such problem. It is hard for people bounded inside the mountain to solve the problem by themselves or with the help of their families because the only source for subsisting money depends on the sale of crops that they plant, let alone considering the tuition about schools. Therefore, when facing the important problem like the lack of education, government, without doubt, accounts for the major role in solving the problem. I do not want to refute that most of the problems we meet is always solved by ourselves or with the help from our families. But those problems are only daily and easy to breeze through. However, important problems such as expensive medical charge requires powerful institution to overcome. The meaning of the government is to help its proponents and provide any help for them. So without the help of the government, we could not have a order society; without the help of the government, we could not grantee the playing filed level; without the help of the government, we will hardly enjoy the equality of rights.
It is rare that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have any difficulties in life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
incline to solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
by themselves or with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of their families;
thus
, they consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
unnecessary.
However
, from my point of view, I disagree with the point.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
is more powerful and potent. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
have more financial base
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it can provide a complex and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
system ranging form the caring the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
to the charity about children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in contrast
, a person’ power is minimal comparing with that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he or she could not hand out helping money up to ten thousands yearly or provide shelter from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "disasters"?
disaster
like earthquakes or snow storm and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are born
within a mountain area where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not afford the fees to receive primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone the high degree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in to deal with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
about the lack of access to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will enact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
policy to grantee that those deprived children from 6-15 could receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
without charging anything.
However
, a person could not deal with such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
bounded inside the mountain to solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
by themselves or with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of their families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
source for subsisting money depends on the sale of crops that they plant,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone considering the tuition about schools.
Therefore
, when facing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
like the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, without doubt, accounts for the major role in solving the problem.

I do not want to refute that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
is always solved by ourselves or with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from our families.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
daily and easy to breeze through.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as expensive medical charge requires powerful institution to overcome. The meaning of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
its proponents and provide any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
for them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, we could not have
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
order society; without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, we
The word 'grantee' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
could not grantee
the playing filed level; without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, we will hardly enjoy the equality of rights.
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IELTS essay Most people can solve important problems in their lives by themselves or with the help of their families; help from the government is often unnecessary.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
384 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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