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In most parts of the world people are living longer. What are the possible causes of this situation? Is this a negative or positive development?

In most parts of the world people are living longer. What are the possible causes of this situation? Is this a negative or positive development? 27eM
In many places in the world; the average ages of individuals are increasing. This is happening due to various factors, and I think this is a negative development. There are many possible reasons for the long lives of the persons in the world, but the most important one is the improvement in the encounter of the diseases. In other words, in the past people die from incurable diseases, but now diseases have become curable thanks to modern science. Scientists have discovered ways to cure the most contagious diseases; as a result, people are getting long lives more than expected. For instance, according to a survey in developed countries, the death ratio is declining by 80%, and technology is increasing day by day. In short, medicines help people to increase their lives. In my opinion, I think that this is a negative development because this world will become congested this way. Already there is a challenge to give the standard of living to people in the world if people do not die then it would become more difficult to cater to the vast majority of the population. For example, many people are dying in developing nations as well as North America, South America, and various other nations too are facing difficulty in getting necessities. Though, where basic needs become a challenge then how people are attended by this world if people life expectancy increase. In this way, I believe that this is not a positive development. In conclusion, people are living longer because they are cured by the latest discoveries in the health sector, and I believe that it increases only issues on earth.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
; the average ages of individuals are increasing. This is happening due to various factors, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possible reasons for the long
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the persons in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
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but
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one is the improvement in the encounter of the
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diseases
.
In other words
, in the past
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
from incurable
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diseases
,
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but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
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diseases
have
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become
curable thanks to modern science. Scientists have discovered ways to cure the most contagious
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diseases
;
as a result
,
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people
are getting long
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
For instance
, according to a survey in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, the death ratio is declining by 80%, and technology is increasing day by day. In short, medicines
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to increase their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
congested this way. Already there is a challenge to give the standard of living to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
then it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more difficult to cater to the vast majority of the population.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are dying in developing nations
as well
as North America, South America, and various other nations too are facing difficulty in getting necessities. Though, where basic needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a challenge then how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are attended
by this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life expectancy increase. In this way, I believe that this is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are cured
by the latest discoveries in the health sector, and I believe that it increases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
issues on earth.
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IELTS essay In most parts of the world people are living longer. What are the possible causes of this situation? Is this a negative or positive development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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