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Most people beleive that music brings humans of different cultural values and age together.

Most people beleive that music brings humans of different cultural values and age together. In this essay I will strongly agree with this statement. Firstly, I will explore global events in music industry and secondly, I will discuss future academic reforms in the field of music. Although, music not only makes a person's mind relax and productive but also helps economic development globally. Worldwide music competitions help people thrive and develop new experiences by meeting humans of different culture and ages. Therefore, people also generate a sense of responsibility by representing their own culture and discuss the crucial history involving their society. Similarly, if a less experienced young music enthusiast is interested in developing a career in music, they can do so by contacting the more hands-on people who are eperienced in this field and take valuable advice. Nowadays, people mostly think field of music is not reliable and should be considered as only a hobby. Contradictory to this, not only music is the best financially stable industry, but as a musician one gets to build a band, make contracts with recognised brands and get to socialise with people of stature. As an example, Beyonce is one of the best singers in the world and she started from a very young age, making herself adustable to this environment has definitely paid off as she is now earning millions of dollars. Therefore, a musical artist not only shares cultural values with peers but also gains financially. In conclusion, music is not only helpful to people doing gym to get their adranalin levels high, but also help people make great careers and share their values of culture with people.
Most
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people
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beleive
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
brings humans of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultural values and age together.

In this essay I will
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.
Firstly
, I will explore global
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
industry and
secondly
,

I will discuss future academic reforms in the field of music.

Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person's mind relax and productive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
economic development globally.

Worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
competitions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
thrive and develop new experiences by meeting humans of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture and ages.

Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
generate a sense of responsibility by representing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture and discuss the crucial history involving their society.

Similarly
, if a less experienced young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
enthusiast
is interested
in developing a career in music,

they can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
by contacting the more hands-on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
Possible spelling mistake found.
eperienced
in this field and take valuable advice.

Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is not reliable and should
be considered
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a hobby.

Contradictory to this, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the best
financially
stable industry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as a musician one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
to build a band,

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
contracts with
Possible spelling mistake. ‘recognised’ is British English.
recognised
brands and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
Possible spelling mistake. ‘socialise’ is British English.
socialise
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of stature. As an example,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Beyonce
is one of the best singers in the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
world


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
and
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age, making herself
Possible spelling mistake found.
adustable
to this environment has definitely paid off as she is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
earning millions of dollars.

Therefore
, a musical artist not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
shares cultural values with peers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
gains
financially
.

In conclusion
,
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music
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
helpful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
doing gym to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
adranalin
levels high,

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
great careers and share their values of culture with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Most people beleive that music brings humans of different cultural values and age together.

Essay
  American English
15 paragraphs
277 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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