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Advertisements play a major role in influencing the buying decisions of customers.

Advertisements play a major role in influencing the buying decisions of customers. Over the years, there has been a dramatic increase in the number of advertisements targeting children due to the fact, advertisers are aware that kids are the centre of nuclear families. Most of these advertisements are aired in the evenings when children are back from school and sitting in front of the television. A number of people opine that commercials targeting young kids should be banned. I agree with this view to a great extent because, in my opinion, excessively promotional advertisements have a devastating effect on children. First of all, children are easily manipulated by the adverts which take them to the virtual world and coax them to acquire products that are not always worth their money. For instance, toys of the Star Wars series are immensely popular among teenagers and sales of these toys are extremely high in the market. Secondly, the advertisements are delivered in such a way that children initiate pestering their parents to buy those products. Some fast food chains employ this strategy. Their advertisements attract more and more teenagers to eat fast food which is not beneficial for health due to the fact it contains high levels of fats and cholesterol which cause obesity and diabetes in children. Another reason to restrict advertisements is that they may even put the lives of children at danger. Children frequently imitate the hazardous stunts performed by celebrities in commercials and frequently lose their lives or cause themselves serious injuries in light of the fact that they are not aware of the consequences. To summarize, most advertisements targeting children are overly promotional and have an adverse impact on children. Hence, the public authority requires ensuring that they are not aired during prime time. However, advertisements promoting beneficial habits and social commitment require to be shown in the evenings when most children are in front of the television.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
play a major role in influencing the buying decisions of customers. Over the years, there has been a dramatic increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
targeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to the fact, advertisers are aware that kids are the
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centre’ is British English.
centre
of nuclear families. Most of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are aired
in the evenings when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are back from school and sitting in front of the television. A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that commercials targeting young kids should
be banned
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view to a great extent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in my opinion,
excessively
promotional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have a devastating effect on children.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
easily
manipulated by the adverts which take them to the virtual world and coax them to acquire products that are not always worth their money.
For instance
, toys of the Star Wars series are
immensely
popular among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and sales of these toys are
extremely
high in the market.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are delivered
in such a way that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
initiate pestering their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
those products.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food chains employ this strategy. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
attract more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food which is not beneficial for health due to the fact it contains high levels of fats and cholesterol which cause obesity and diabetes in children.

Another reason to restrict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
is that they may even put the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
frequently
imitate the hazardous stunts performed by celebrities in commercials and
frequently
lose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
or cause themselves serious injuries in light of the fact that they are not aware of the consequences.

To summarize
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
targeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
overly
promotional and have an adverse impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Hence
, the public authority requires ensuring that they are not aired during prime time.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
promoting beneficial habits and social commitment require to
be shown
in the evenings when most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are in front of the television.
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IELTS essay Advertisements play a major role in influencing the buying decisions of customers.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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