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"Many people believe that spending a lot of money on celebration (birthdays /weddings) is a waste of money. Others believe that it is important for individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.”

In today’s world people prefers to enjoy any special events with a lot of commons by spending a great portion of cash. In my view, consumption of big amount of money for any celebration is a misuse There are a range of aspects that prove pay out huge quantity of money for any ritual is wastage. To begin with, grand parties are an opportunity to show off our wealth and social standing. For example- people organises wedding ceremonies in a lavish manner. They believe that those parties will earn them the respect and elevate their social standing to their friends and relatives. Besides, it is significant to save money for the future rather pour in grand celebration. For instance – commons who have large income today may face scarcity in future. So, they have to save some money for covering upcoming uncertainties. In addition, arrangement of an extensive gathering require a lot of money sometime people collect money by loan that increase their debt. When they are not able to repay they may have to face awkward moment. To exemplify-one of my neighbour fixed up a gigantic party for his son’s birthday by borrowing and he couldn’t able to paid the amount and he have to face unwanted moments. However, there are some reasons people wants to cost a greater quantity of cash for enjoying particular instant. Firstly, ceremony such as wedding taken place once in life. People wants to makes it exceptional while expense a lot. For example -in one’s wedding he/she wants it special though, it outlay more money. Moreover, some people believes that spending big portion of cash in occasions is traditional and it makes social bonding. As an illustration – people invites relatives, celebrities, socially known persons on those amalgamation that helps to make strong relationship among them. To sum up, celebrations are important because in most people’s lives these incidents Occur once yet, I believe it is foolish that to consume huge quantity of money on these
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
prefers
to enjoy any special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
commons by spending a great portion of cash. In my view, consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for any celebration is a misuse

There are a range of aspects that prove pay out huge quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for any ritual is wastage. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, grand parties are an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off our wealth and social standing.
For example
-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
organises
wedding ceremonies in a lavish manner. They believe that those parties will earn them the respect and elevate their social standing to their friends and relatives.
Besides
, it is significant to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the future
rather
pour in grand celebration.
For instance
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
commons who have large income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
may face scarcity
The phrase ‘in future’ is British English. Did you mean: “in the future”?
in future
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for covering upcoming uncertainties.
In addition
, arrangement of an extensive gathering require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
sometime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
collect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by loan that increase their debt.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
they are not able to repay they may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face awkward moment. To exemplify-one of my
Possible spelling mistake. ‘neighbour’ is British English.
neighbour
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
up a gigantic party for his son’s birthday by
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
borrowing and
he couldn’t able to
The verb after “to” should be in the base form: “pay”.
paid
the
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
amount and
he
The pronoun ‘he’ is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: “has”, “had”.
have
to face unwanted moments.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
wants
to cost a greater quantity of cash for enjoying particular instant.
Firstly
, ceremony such as wedding taken place once in life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
wants
to
The verb after “to” should be in the base form: “make”.
makes
it exceptional while expense a lot.
For example
-in one’s wedding he/she wants it special though, it
After ‘it’, use the third-person verb form “outlays”.
outlay
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
believes
that spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
portion of cash in occasions is
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
traditional and
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
social bonding. As an illustration
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
invites
relatives, celebrities,
socially
known persons on
‘Those’ does not seem to match the singular noun ‘amalgamation’. Did you mean “this amalgamation” or “those amalgamations”?
those amalgamation
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strong relationship among them.

To sum up, celebrations are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
these incidents Occur once
yet
, I believe it is foolish that to consume huge quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on these
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IELTS essay "Many people believe that spending a lot of money on celebration (birthdays /weddings) is a waste of money. Others believe that it is important for individuals and society. ”

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
331 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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