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In many parts of the world, families were larger in the past because people had more children. Do you think there were more advantages or disadvantages to being part of a large family in the past?

In the past, the number of large families was high due to parents preferred to have more children. I think there were some advantages and disadvantages of living in a large family. I start by looking at the advantages. There were three main benefits of living in a large family. First, they could divide home tasks and could cooperate with each other. Therefore, none of them became exhausted. Furthermore, they could carry out the works better. Second, children could always play with their siblings. As a result, they never felt lonely. The third profit was the most important one. Children who grew up in a large family could learn and experience more things throughout their life. As a consequence, they could become an independent person and surely could be more productive in society. On the other hand, we can count some harms. Firstly, large families’ expenses were too high. Hence parents were forced to work more to meet children's needs, and they were not successful to provide enough facilities for each child most time. In addition, because there were many children in large families, parents could not spend enough time for each child that might give rise to (cause) growing up with trouble. Moreover, in some cases, children might establish relationships with strangers, who are inappropriate (wrong), during growth age which is unbelievably sensitive and important, to talk about their problems or to share their feelings with them. Eventually, the lack of parents' time could be harmful (detrimental, adverse) for their children. All things considered, although there were some losses of (to) being in a large family, the gains which can be considerable, were more. In my opinion, large families were happier. Besides, children had much stronger personalities, especially when their relationships with family members were firmly established.
In the past, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
was high due to parents preferred to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages and disadvantages of living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
family.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
by looking at the advantages. There were three main benefits of living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
First
, they could divide home tasks and could cooperate with each other.
Therefore
, none of them became exhausted.
Furthermore
, they could carry out the works better. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could always play with their siblings.
As a result
, they never felt lonely. The third profit was the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who grew up in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
could learn and experience more things throughout their life. As a consequence, they could become an independent person and
surely
could be more productive in society.

On the other hand
, we can count
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
harms.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families’
expenses were too high.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
parents
were forced
to work more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
children's needs, and they were not successful to provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
facilities for each child most time.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, parents could not spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for each child that might give rise to (cause) growing up with trouble.
Moreover
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might establish relationships with strangers, who are inappropriate (
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
), during growth age which is
unbelievably
sensitive and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, to talk about their problems or to share their feelings with them.
Eventually
, the lack of parents' time could be harmful (detrimental, adverse) for their children.

All things considered, although there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
losses of (to) being in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, the gains which can be considerable, were more. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
were happier.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
had much stronger personalities,
especially
when their relationships with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members were
firmly
established.
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IELTS essay In many parts of the world, families were larger in the past because people had more children. Do you think there were more advantages or disadvantages to being part of a large family in the past?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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