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Most people accept that we now live in a globalised world but not everyone agrees this is beneficial. To what extent is globalisation a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answers and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Most people accept that we now live in a globalised world but not everyone agrees this is beneficial. v. 2
The world witnessed a lot of diverse developments in the 21st century. One such important development is globalisation and it has influenced every aspect of life. Many people are excited about living in a globalized world, yet a few people believe that globalization is not beneficial. A careful analysis shows that globalisation has both merits and demerits. Globalisation offers us a plethora of merits. The most important one among them is the easy availability of services and products. It is because of globalisation, the services or products available only in selected countries are now available around the world. For example an Apple iPhone gets its motherboard and the phone body manufactured in USA and China respectively. This gets assembled in another country where it is sold. Globalisation has an additional advantage of increasing the employment opportunities in developing and under developed countries. Globalisation also helps to reduce the price of products by getting them manufactured in countries where the labour cost is low. On the flip side, the negative aspects of globalisation cannot be wished away / cannot be overlooked. It interferes with the tradition, culture and the way of living of a country in which it is implemented. Globalisation enables multinational companies to exploit the natural resources of poor countries. To consider an example, beverage companies established in India have their presence in river beds. They consume gallons of water and affect the agricultural activity, which is the backbone of the country. Therefore globalisation alters the existing activity in a country to bring in a new service. To recapitulate, even though globalisation has become essential for the ease of living, it also endangers the way of life in many countries.
The world witnessed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
diverse developments in the 21st century. One such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
development is
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
and it has influenced every aspect of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are excited
about living in a globalized world,
yet
a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalization' and 'globalisation') within a single text.
globalization
is not beneficial. A careful analysis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
has both merits and demerits.

Possible spelling mistake. 'Globalisation' is British English.
Globalisation
offers us a plethora of merits. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one among them is the easy availability of services and products. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
, the services or products available
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in selected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
available around the world.
For example
an Apple iPhone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
its motherboard and the phone body manufactured
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
and China
respectively
.
Did you mean "these"?
This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
assembled in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where it
is sold
.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Globalisation' is British English.
Globalisation
has an additional advantage of increasing the employment opportunities in developing and under developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Globalisation' is British English.
Globalisation
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the price of products by getting them manufactured in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
cost is low.

On the flip side, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
cannot
be wished
away / cannot
be overlooked
. It interferes with the tradition, culture and the way of living of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in which it
is implemented
.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Globalisation' is British English.
Globalisation
enables multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to exploit the natural resources of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. To consider an example, beverage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
established in India have their presence in river beds. They consume gallons of water and affect the agricultural activity, which is the backbone of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
alters the existing activity in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to bring in a new service.

To recapitulate,
even though
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
has become essential for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of living, it
also
endangers the way of life in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
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IELTS essay Most people accept that we now live in a globalised world but not everyone agrees this is beneficial.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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