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Most parents slow to your children to watch tv programmes and terrible films. Do you agree this opinion?

Most parents slow to your children to watch tv programmes and terrible films. Do you agree this opinion? Wgbla
In nowadays, most parents think that if their children watch any kind of tv programmes and terrible films are not harm and they permit to do this. I disagree with this opinion and give some reasons to support my mind on this topic. First and foremost, when they see above, they waste more and more time. They would rather view different Tv programmes and movies than do their hometasks. For example, approximately, over 50% youth around the world who are used to do this and as a result they are keen on watching; become illiterate. Another reason why I disagree with mind it causes of health problems such as, eye stream, diabetes and others. If children sit down one or two hours under the TV, it influences to their eyes and leads to eye stream. Furthermore, sometimes, obesity is originated because of unmoved muscles and body. Also, diabetes is caused by too much fear. A child who has suffered a psychological trauma is afraid of something trivial. On the other hand, it is good for kids to watch TV programmes, which are educational. It is true that horror movies give us adrenaline, but it does not mean watch them. In conclusion, although most parents allow to watch violence movies I believe it is the worth and that it is necessary for us especially for our ages. If you watch to get adrenaline, you can get it in other ways too. Personally, I think it is a mistake for parents to permit this and we should avoid such things.
nowadays is used without 'in'. Use simply: "nowadays".
In nowadays
, most parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if their children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
any kind of
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and terrible films are not
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
harm and
they permit to do this. I disagree with this opinion and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons to support my mind on this topic.
First
and foremost, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
above, they waste more and more time. They would
rather
view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and movies than do their
Possible spelling mistake found.
hometasks
.
For example
, approximately, over 50% youth around the world who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do this and
as a result
they are keen on watching; become illiterate. Another reason why I disagree with mind it causes of health problems such as, eye stream, diabetes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. If children sit down one or two hours under the TV, it influences to their eyes and leads to eye stream.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, obesity
is originated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unmoved muscles and body.
Also
, diabetes
is caused
by too much fear. A child who has suffered a psychological trauma is afraid of something trivial.
On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for kids to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, which are educational. It is true that horror movies give us adrenaline,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it does not mean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
them.
In conclusion
, although most parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
violence movies I believe it is the worth and that it is necessary for us
especially
for our ages. If you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
adrenaline, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it in other ways too.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a mistake for parents to permit
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
this and
we should avoid such things.
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IELTS essay Most parents slow to your children to watch tv programmes and terrible films. Do you agree this opinion?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
258 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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