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Most of the people work for different organisations to be financially stable, gain some experience and additional knowledge depending on the company these people work for. However, there are people who either work for the same organization or work for a different organisation throughou life.

Most of the people work for different organisations to be financially stable, gain some experience and additional knowledge depending on the company these people work for. However, there are people who either work for the same organization or work for a different organisation throughou life. kxLW2
Working is the foundation of a well-developed society, where everyone contributes to the state economy. Furthermore, lots of organisation gives various opportunities to everyone depending on the field they want to work and succeed. Regarding the numerous variants, people have to choose from a different organisation not everyone would like to follow only one field where they will work their entire life. First of all, it is worth considering that as an individual you may be interested in more aspects of life, so it will be worth to consider working for more organisation throughout life to gain more experience and be wiser while facing some issues. Based on many useful stories of people who changed organization and worked in different fields, Andreea Balaban a Romanian social influencer has worked for different organization that made her a successful woman. After she finished university she worked in an organisation at the call center department, where she enriched her speaking skills in english and learned about the importance of communicating with people. Nevertheless she wanted to improve her skills and she applied for an American organisation as a customer service in the field of fashion, where she has to travel some time to America considering that she also needs to work there. Despite the importance of changing organisation aiming to improve and develop skills, working at the same organisation might help in giving stability both financially and physically. On top of that being at the same organisation for a longer period of time, is an opportunity to receive a higher function. Taking everything into consideration, I believe that both views are excellent and it does not matter the period of time someone chooses to work; only by hard work and perseverance the results will increase.
Working is the foundation of a well-developed society, where everyone contributes to the state economy.
Furthermore
, lots of
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
gives various opportunities to everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "depends", "depended".
depending
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and succeed. Regarding the numerous variants,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
not everyone would like to follow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
where they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
their entire life.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is worth considering that as an individual you may
be interested
in more aspects of life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will be worth to consider working for more
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
throughout life to gain more experience and be wiser while facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues.

Based on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful stories of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organization
and worked in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Andreea
Possible spelling mistake found.
Balaban
a Romanian social influencer has worked for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organization
that made her a successful woman. After she finished university she worked in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
at the call center department, where she enriched her speaking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
english
and learned about the importance of communicating with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
she wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
her
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
skills and
she applied for an American
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
as a customer service in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of fashion, where she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
travel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to America considering that she
also
needs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
there.

Despite the importance of changing
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
aiming to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, working at the same
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in giving stability both
financially
and
physically
.
On top of that
being at the same
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
for a longer period of time, is an opportunity to receive a higher function.

Taking everything into consideration, I believe that both views are excellent and it does not matter the period of time someone chooses to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and perseverance the results will increase.
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IELTS essay Most of the people work for different organisations to be financially stable, gain some experience and additional knowledge depending on the company these people work for. However, there are people who either work for the same organization or work for a different organisation throughou life.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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