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Most of the people think that happiness is a destination. On the other hand, rest of the people think happiness is not a destination but a journey. Discuss both this view and give your own opinion

Most of the people think that happiness is a destination. On the other hand, rest of the people think happiness is not a destination but a journey. Discuss both this view and give your own opinion 85Vqm
It is frequently believed that enjoyment is the main object of life whereas others statement is happiness is not the main thing of life but moving here and there. In this essay, I am going to describe both these point and finally I will give my own opinion. To begin with, firstly, happiness is a thing that people have to to achieve it by doing various kinds of work. Although, people have to survive through happiness and sadness, they always try to ignore sadness and look for comfortable life. Happiness is the main point of life and it can't be purchased by money or by any other things. Secondly, happiness is a condition of our mind when we are become satisfied with everything of our life. It is believed by someone that if we have a lot of money, then happiness will remain with us all time, in fact it is not the reality because money can not take us away the destination of happiness all the time. On the other hand, some people argue that happiness is not a destination but a journey. In this case, happiness is jst like a cloud which moves from one place to another place and people have to catch it through hardworking. To find out happiness we have to know what is thr requirement of our life and what we actually need for our happy life. For instance, if people feel boring in their home then they can go out for travelling the most beautiful places of their country and I think it is very helpful to keep their mind happy. In conclusion, I believe that happiness means moving from here and there for making life happy and comfortable and it is just like a journey. Also happiness is the fact of our mind which means what is the fulfillment of our life
It is
frequently
believed that enjoyment is the main object of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
whereas others statement is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is not the main thing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
moving here and there. In this essay, I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
both these point and
finally
I will give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is a thing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
achieve it by doing various kinds of work. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
survive through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
and sadness, they always try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
sadness and look for comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
is the main point of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and it can't be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by money or by any other things.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is a condition of our mind when we
are become
satisfied with everything of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It
is believed
by someone that if we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
will remain with us all time, in fact it is not the reality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
money can not take us away the destination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
all the time.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is not a destination
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a journey.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
jst
like a cloud which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
from one place to another place and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
catch it through hardworking. To find out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
know what is
Possible spelling mistake found.
thr
requirement of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and what we actually need for our happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel boring in their home then they can go out for travelling the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
places of their country and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their mind happy.
In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
means moving from here and there for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
happy and comfortable and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like a journey.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is the fact of our mind which means what is the fulfillment of our
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
life
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IELTS essay Most of the people think that happiness is a destination. On the other hand, rest of the people think happiness is not a destination but a journey. Discuss both this view and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
309 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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