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Men are placed in most high-level jobs. Some people say that the government should envoys certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women. Do you agree or disagree?

Men are placed in most high-level jobs. Some people say that the government should envoys certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women. 7aMB6
In recent times, women are give equal opportunity in all sort of jobs. Men are dominating in high cader jobs like CEO, for which there should be some priority given for women also. However, in my view, allocation of jobs for female won’t help them much. Women are given opportunity in all the fields but they are not considered for the vital deductions has to be taken which decides the success of the company. They think female as a weaker gender in certain aspects which may sometimes hinder in taking decision for the betterment of the company. Additionally, they face a lot of stress in work environment, which at one point they become hopeless to move forward. If there are some priorities given, they will strive hard for themselves to push them up. Hence, reservation of seats encourages women. In this contemporary era, the job position are given based on their intelligence and skill which each and everyone possess, regardless of the gender. Even though there are lots of hurdles in workplace, the promotions are given based on certain criteria and not considering the sex of a person. For instance, nowadays, women are the chairperson in more number of companies which they run forward in a successful way. There are lots of career based educational courses which helps everyone to develop their skills and getting hike in their job designation. Thus, allocation of designation to a particular gender won’t help in giving priorities. In conclusion, even though there are lot of categories for selecting a person for high positions, women of this period possess more skill to upgrade themselves in their profession for which they don’t need any reservations.
In recent times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are give equal opportunity in all sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
are dominating in high
Possible spelling mistake found.
cader
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
like CEO, for which there should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
priority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
also
.
However
, in my view, allocation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for female won’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them much.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
opportunity in all the fields
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are not considered for the vital deductions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be taken
which decides the success of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
female as a weaker gender in certain aspects which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
hinder in taking decision for the betterment of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Additionally
, they face a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in work environment, which at one point they become hopeless to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward. If there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
priorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, they will strive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for themselves to push them up.
Hence
, reservation of seats encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. In this contemporary era, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
position are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
based on their intelligence and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
which each and
Did you mean "every one"?
everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "possesses", "possessed".
possess
, regardless of the gender.
Even though
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of hurdles in workplace, the promotions are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
based on certain criteria and not considering the sex of a person.
For instance
, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are the chairperson in more number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which they run forward
Consider replacing "in a successful way" with the adverb for "successful"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a successful way
. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of career based educational courses which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
everyone to develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and getting hike in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
designation.
Thus
, allocation of designation to a particular gender won’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in giving priorities.
In conclusion
,
even though
there are
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
categories for selecting a person for high positions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
of this period possess more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to upgrade themselves in their profession for which they don’t need any reservations.
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IELTS essay Men are placed in most high-level jobs. Some people say that the government should envoys certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
279 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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