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Most of people believe that money is the most critical factor in boosting happiness.

Most of people believe that money is the most critical factor in boosting happiness. 0lyO5
Most of people believe that money is the most critical factor in boosting happiness. Do you think people can be cheerful without money? What more factors contribute towards happiness? It is frequently asserted that money is the major element in creating enjoyment in life. Others, however, think that one can feel happy when they have little money. Well, a number of people accept that the fulfillment of Material deeds can bring them happiness. They devote their whole lives earning money due to the fact for them, life without money will be obscure. For these persons, happiness is spending money for purchasing branded clothes, eating in expensive restaurant, and traveling to astonishing places. It can be seem that without money, happiness is extremely difficult to attain for them. Contrary, others do not believe that money is absolutely necessary to get happiness. They have an opinion that the most critical thing they can do to be happy is to interact with and esteem more people because it provides them with real satisfaction and thrilling. Moreover, another way that can bring such people to happiness is to help others through charity. For example, some students volunteer for no wages work for helping and making others happy, and this makes them happy. In conclusion, for some people, money is truly crucial. However, I believe it is not the only vital factor in creating happiness. The world would be a better place if people realized that family and love give true happiness which cannot be bought by money.
Most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the most critical factor in boosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be cheerful without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
? What more factors contribute towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
? It is
frequently
asserted that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the major element in creating enjoyment in life. Others,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that one can feel happy when they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
money.

Well, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
accept that the fulfillment of Material deeds can bring them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. They devote their whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
due to the fact for them, life without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will be obscure. For these persons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for purchasing branded clothes, eating in expensive restaurant, and traveling to astonishing places. It can be
Consider using the past participle "seemed"?
seem
that without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is
extremely
difficult to attain for them.

Contrary, others do not believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
absolutely
necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. They have an opinion that the most critical thing they can do to be happy is to interact with and esteem more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides them with real satisfaction and thrilling.
Moreover
, another way that can bring such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others through charity.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students volunteer for no wages work for helping and making others happy, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy.

In conclusion
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
truly
crucial.
However
, I believe it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
vital factor in creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. The world would be a better place if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
realized that family and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
give true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
which cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay Most of people believe that money is the most critical factor in boosting happiness.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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