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Some people think government should spend money in teaching science subjects instead of spending money in teaching other subjects . Do you agree or disagree ?

Some people think government should spend money in teaching science subjects instead of spending money in teaching other subjects. we89N
The authorities, undoubtedly, play an imperative role in imparting enrich knowledge to the pupils. Some people opine that there should be investment of capital in teaching science by regime. However, I believe that some amount of money should be used in teaching subjects such as art, history and music, will discuss my viewpoint in upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, the first and predominant reason is career opportunities. To explicate it, some pupils are extremely interested in learning art and music rather than science. Having indepth knowledge in this realm stimulates students to show their creativity and find out their aptitude, which will definitely assist them in setting up their career in that particular field, and have decent job coupled with high salary. In addition to this, preservation of history as well as culture is also linked with this. If authorities spend money in providing education in historical subjects, children can certainly come across the cultural and traditional values of country, which are of the pivotal importance in order to maintain the identity of appropriate place. On the other hand, certain people opine that more emphasis should be given on teaching biology, physics and maths in order to became successful person such as doctor, engineer and scientist, one must learn subjects of science, so that, they can easily compete with the student of other nation and hold prestigious positions by excelling in each and every field. Nevertheless, it is not fair to pour money in teaching science exclusively. Role of other complementory subjects in building illuminous future is excessively important, and these subjects not only provide information related to the heritage of country but also provide better job opportunities. In conclusion, I reiterate my opinion that hefty sum of money should be invested in providing education in the field of art. Some masses are in favour of investment in science, although I am in favour of spending money in arts.
The authorities,
undoubtedly
, play an imperative role in imparting enrich knowledge to the pupils.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that there should be investment of capital in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
by regime.
However
, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, history and music, will discuss my viewpoint in upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
first
and predominant reason is career opportunities. To explicate it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pupils are
extremely
interested in learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and music
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. Having
Possible spelling mistake found.
indepth
knowledge in this realm stimulates students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their creativity and find out their aptitude, which will definitely assist them in setting up their career in that particular field, and have decent
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "jobbed".
job
coupled with high salary.
In addition
to this, preservation of history
as well
as culture is
also
linked with this. If authorities spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in providing education in historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, children can
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across the cultural and traditional values of country, which are of the pivotal importance in order to maintain the identity of appropriate place.

On the other hand
, certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that more emphasis should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
biology, physics and
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
in order to
Did you mean "become"?
became
successful person such as doctor, engineer and scientist, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, they can
easily
compete with the student of other nation and hold prestigious positions by excelling in each and every field.
Nevertheless
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to pour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
exclusively. Role of other
Possible spelling mistake found.
complementory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in building
Possible spelling mistake found.
illuminous
future is
excessively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide information related to the heritage of country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide better job opportunities.

In conclusion
, I reiterate my opinion that hefty sum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be invested
in providing education in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
masses are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, although I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
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IELTS essay Some people think government should spend money in teaching science subjects instead of spending money in teaching other subjects.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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