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In some countries, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing.

In some countries, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. 5LylQ
In some countries, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes. I agree with the fact that poverty is the reason teenagers are committing crimes and doing illegal activities. Firstly, Some teenagers are committing robberies, mugging, and burglaries to solve their financial and family problems. In addition, those young people who do not have access to educational opportunities can’t approach well-paid jobs. Rather than working in those well-paid jobs, they have to work long-shift jobs with low salaries. These factors can engage young people to do criminal work to gain more money. As an example, young people can start using drugs to relax from their job pressure. Secondly, some teenagers have to support their families and also need to fulfill their desires. These factors equally matter in causing teenagers to commit illegal activities. Young people who grew up in a violent family can be abused physically and suffered mentally can take off their parent’s behavior and can commit crimes in the future. For example, Apart from rich families, young people who have parents that they are always at work and cannot give enough time to their kids can imitate friends than their parents. Those young people can become friends with those who are doing illegal activities. And then they can be also engaged by those to do criminal stuff with them. To conclude, not only poverty is the reason that is behind most crimes but also families and environmental factors are the underlying important reasons of teenagers are committing crimes.
In
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some
countries, the number of
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crimes
committed by
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teenagers
is growing.
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Some
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people
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think
that poverty is the
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reason
behind most
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crimes
. I
Consider using "agree that".
agree with the fact that
poverty is the
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reason
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teenagers
are committing
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crimes
and doing illegal activities.

Firstly
,
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Some
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teenagers
are committing robberies, mugging, and burglaries to solve their financial and
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family
problems.
In addition
, those
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have access to educational opportunities can’t approach well-paid
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jobs
.
Rather
than working in those well-paid
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jobs
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work long-shift
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jobs
with low salaries. These factors can engage
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do criminal work to gain more money. As an example,
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young
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people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
using drugs to relax from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
pressure.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
support their
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families
and
also
need to fulfill their desires. These factors
equally
matter in causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to commit illegal activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
grew up in a violent
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family
can
be abused
physically
and suffered mentally can take off their parent’s behavior and can commit
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crimes
in the future.
For example
, Apart from rich
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families
,
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have parents that they are always at work and cannot give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to their kids can imitate friends than their parents. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can become friends with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are doing illegal activities. And then they can be
also
engaged by those to do criminal stuff with them.

To conclude
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
poverty is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
that is
behind most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
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families
and environmental factors are the underlying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
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IELTS essay In some countries, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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