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Most Modern Families have both parents working and as a result children spend less time with their parents What is the reason for this? What problems can this cause? v.1

Most Modern Families have both parents working and as a result children spend less time with their parents What is the reason for this? What problems can this cause? v. 1
Nowadays, affording standard of living has become crucial to many people, hence more couples are into working. While most liberal families, parents at work, which results In no free time for them to spend with their children. In this essay, I will discuss why this is happening and what issues it can develop among them. One of the main reasons of working parents has incline because of expensive living, which leave many people with no other option than working. This happens because they wanted to offer better necessities to their offsprings in order to keep them updated with society. For example, If parents are seeking a quality education for their kids, until they give a huge donation to the school no admission is guaranteed. To provide such needs for children, parents are willing to work together to earn extra. However, this might have a negative impact on kids' well-being as they cannot spare free time to spend with them, which leads to the isolated environment at home. Another reason why working parent ratio has increased is because awareness of being independent has become a trend. This is because now many women also became the breadwinner of their homes unlike before where they were limited to cook and look after children. For instance, before women were not allowed to work and only considered as a homemaker. However, this mindset has been changed now. Rather than devoting their whole after family, they have become career oriented, which keeps them busy with work. This type of change has effected many children, who did not get proper attention from their working parents. As a result, such children lack bond and affection with their parents. In conclusion, Although parents who work have increased as they wanted to offer a better lifestyle to their children, they have also become also became more career focused, these days, as a consequence their children might face self-isolated from family and lack bonding among them.
Nowadays, affording standard of living has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
crucial to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
hence
more couples are into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
. While most liberal families,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, which results In no free time for them to spend with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In this essay, I will discuss why this is happening and what issues it can develop among them.

One of the main reasons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
has
Use past participle here: "inclined".
incline
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of expensive living, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with no other option than working.

This happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they wanted to offer better necessities to their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them updated with society.
For example
, If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are seeking a quality education for their kids, until they give a huge donation to the school no admission
is guaranteed
. To provide such needs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together to earn extra.
However
, this might have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on kids' well-being as they cannot spare free time to spend with them, which leads to the isolated environment at home.

Another reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
ratio has increased is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
awareness of being independent has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a trend.

This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
women
also
became the breadwinner of their homes unlike
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
where they
were limited
to cook and look after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
women were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
considered as a homemaker.
However
, this mindset has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Rather
than devoting their whole after family, they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
career oriented, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them busy with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This type of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has effected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, who did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper attention from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
As a result
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lack bond and affection with their parents.

In conclusion
, Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
have increased as they wanted to offer a better lifestyle to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they have
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
also
became more career focused, these days, as a consequence their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might face self-isolated from family and lack bonding among them.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Most Modern Families have both parents working and as a result children spend less time with their parents What is the reason for this? What problems can this cause? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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