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Global warming is one of the biggest threats to our environment. What causes global warming? What solutions are there for this problem? v.7

Global warming is one of the biggest threats to our environment. What causes global warming? What solutions are there for this problem? v. 7
Undoubtedly our earth is getting warmer. There are several reasons why our global temperature is raised, but also there are several ways we can solve this. In this essay, I will discuss on how an industrial reformation has changed the globe became hotter while how the government could provide some solution to it. First and foremost, one of the causes of this is, as our economy needs to progressively improve so that our nation can become prosper, unfortunately, this has brought to many problems to our surroundings, and one of them is our mother-earth is getting warmer. Because of the industrial progressed, more and more factories are setting up. Therefore, these mushrooming factories set in will churn out more heat, such as smoke from chimneys and heat that generated from melting steel. Whereby these heats are trapped in our ozone and forced our earth's temperature raised. Thus, it is very heart broken to see these factories have made our globe is getting warmer. Despite all this, however, there is the solution to it, the government could step in to improve the situation by implementing green policy. This green policy is translated into incentive. Due to this incentive, the company is benefited by reducing their operating costs if they can prove to the council that their products are using significantly less resources. Therefore, they could sell more to the market, and this will increase their competitiveness. For instance, as the competition built up, others will follow to innovate in order to gain from this incentive. So, if the government could allocate a certain amount of funds to incentivize factories, in the long run, they could bring positive impact to the global warming issues. To conclude, as we progressed, we should not forget to take care on our environment. When the government could give allowance to alleviate this problems, while at the same time these companies will innovate together to innovate their products more greenly in order to save the earth. With all this, if we can cooperate together like this, I will forsee, at least, we are able to maintain the current temperature on earth.
Undoubtedly
our earth is getting warmer. There are several reasons why our global temperature
is raised
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
there are several ways we can solve this. In this essay, I will discuss on how an industrial reformation has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the globe became hotter while how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solution to it.

First
and foremost, one of the causes of this is, as our economy needs to
progressively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that our nation can become prosper, unfortunately, this has brought to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems to our surroundings, and one of them is our mother-earth is getting warmer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the industrial progressed, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
are setting up.
Therefore
, these mushrooming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
set in will churn out more heat, such as smoke from chimneys and heat that generated from melting steel. Whereby these heats
are trapped
in our ozone and forced our earth's temperature raised.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
heart broken to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
have made our globe is getting warmer.

Despite all this,
however
, there is the solution to it, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could step in to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation by implementing green policy. This green policy
is translated
into incentive. Due to this incentive, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is benefited
by reducing their operating costs if they can prove to the council that their products are using
significantly
less resources.
Therefore
, they could sell more to the market, and this will increase their competitiveness.
For instance
, as the competition built up, others will follow to innovate in order to gain from this incentive.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could allocate a certain amount of funds to incentivize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
, in the long run, they could bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact to the global warming issues.

To conclude
, as we progressed, we should not forget to take care on our environment. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could give allowance to alleviate
Did you mean "these"?
this
problems, while at the same time these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will innovate together to innovate their products more
greenly
in order to save the earth. With all this, if we can cooperate together like this, I will
Possible spelling mistake found.
forsee
, at least, we are able to maintain the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
temperature on earth.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Global warming is one of the biggest threats to our environment. What causes global warming? What solutions are there for this problem? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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